For Max

The world, god, nature, or whatever is to blame took you away from us a year ago. How do I come to terms? The glue, the captain and everything that you could've been to our family was taken from us. You were so much more than a person who bet every weekend or loved to talk about your crib trophy.

You never lived a perfect life. You never saw what you should have. You learned. You learned and used that knowledge right away. You overcame the stubbornness you passed down to all of us. You became what you thought our family needed.

I saw you 367 days ago. 367 days I have thought about you. 365 days ago you passed. 362 days ago we were supposed to play crib. This is how I count the days. I miss you, Mush. I never will get to play crib with you. I will never get to learn how to say my age in Cree like I didn't every September 9th.

You taught me how to be strong. You may never know or see this. I don't know where you are. And that is what pains me the most. You taught me to give up and take what I had to, to help my family. To help myself even if I didn't think I need it. You taught me how to support the people that were left behind.

Most of all, you taught me the importance of a story. I've never listened to a story since you have passed. I guess I avoided it because I miss you so bad. I don't want to. The only story I remember in the past year is the last story you told me. Which encapsulates everything you were. Strong, stubborn, and fighting for every inch you could get.

I wasn't ready for you to leave. How selfish of me. I bragged about being selfless. But, I cannot let go of the people around me. You taught me how to appreciate those around me. Life is temporary. Don't be the person who fights with their family just because.

I learned more from your death than from when you are alive. The best thing you did for me was leaving this world peacefully and not fighting with anyone. You picked your battles. I'm learning, Mushom. April 30th will be my day for reflection. On your life. On my life. On those around me.  I would give anything in my life for one more story. I would give anything to hear you say another word in Cree. I would give anything to be skunked in crib.

I love you, Max. Brother, uncle, man, father, cousin, Grandfather.

You left us all with important lessons. But, we have to teach ourselves what it all means.
I miss you, Mushom. I love you.

Regards,
Devon