Health "Care"

Hey, don't get me wrong I like public healthcare, and ideally would like it if many other countries put in the effort to do it. I'm not arguing about that. However, for it to succeed and exceed all it's own possibilities it needs proper funding.

As well, in Canada I realize there is some privatization as well as a lack of health care in some areas. (Reserves) I don't know if I didn't know this before from where I was. A person who stayed around 2 months worth of days and nights in hospital.

I try to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to hospitals; However, I have been to a couple Emergency Rooms lately and could tell quite well how unbelievably stressful it gets for the RN. The issue of the lack of beds is one that is not going to have a resolution until they have proper funding. Unlikely, but as it stands it seems like their next logical conclusion is going to be privatizing it.

Going into Emergency is its own thing, my surgeries taught me that people who are RN's working in patient care are a lot nicer (and under the effects of morphine are hit on more often by Devon :) ) But, walk into emergency fill out a form and have your vitals checked 4 or 5 times in an hour. Then, they tell you that they can't do anything for pain or run more tests to eliminate more things is very demoralizing. I put it to you, people in the health care industry. If you choose to work in that body of work, you should be more acceptable to the "Care" part. They can't run proper tests because people suffocate them with things because they can't find a family doctor in Edmonton.

As it stands, from the outside looking in. The Emergency Room is just a 6 hour doctor appointment that leaves both parties very sour.

Last time I was there, I witnessed a woman with a broken arm sit there in pain for an hour and a half without any painkiller or ice to reduce the swelling. By the time the nurses cared enough to bother giving her ice. It was far too late, the sheer exhaustion and superficial pain just beat her down to tears. I also talked to another woman who was told to go into the emergency by her doctor (neurologist).

Because he feared she had Meningitis. Instead of taking that information from her, the ER doctor had told her that she didn't and she just needed eyeglasses to help with the newly developed blurry vision. Within a week, she had no vision and could not walk. She was rushed back in by a family member, and they did finally run a couple more tests. Including a spinal tap, the spinal tap proved what her Neurologist feared. She did have Meningitis and lost a majority of her motor functions because of their inability to walk. I sunk in my chair as she told me this story. She could no longer work and spent the last couple years in a wheelchair. As a person who spends a lot of time in the healthcare system I thought that they would care a little more to what she had to say.

The lack of funding towards Healthcare, not only takes away beds. It takes away the care from health care.

I want to enter that field because I care about my health, and want to reduce pain and anguish of others. I fear that the sheer amount of stress will just crush me. But, that isn't going to stop me from chasing my dream.

Regards,

Devon

A, P, and BSoL part 2

As a follow up, today I've felt worse pain wise. It is making me increasingly frustrated. But, at the same time. I got to see my Grandma today, and had a dinner with all of the people in my house. Looked at old pictures. Missed those memories, made me miss my brother more than ever. (Which is selfish of me)

Family is what keeps people grounded, what keeps people afloat. At the end of the day, family is what you are given, and it is what you go to sleep knowing they will always be there.

I'd like to think I have helped some people, raised some awareness for depression. I also would like to think I have brought you the human, as raw as it gets Devon. When I write these blogs, I enter a part of my brain that is only sparked by these feelings. This is as human, and vulnerable as I have ever been

I've bottled up my anger and frustration for so long. My competitiveness will never cease. I want to better myself, I want to be better for some reason. I find it ridiculous, but it is so far into my brain. It would take a shovel to dig it out. It is built into my personality. I want to better myself all the time, then I just stop. Listen to music and think about why I need to make myself better than the people around me. Rather, I should be making myself better for me.

I've never been told I am attractive, or am "hot". You know what, I'm glad. Because, my attractiveness is only seen when you get to me. Not the shield I put up around myself. My humour, and rigid structure is one of a kind. You'll never meet anyone else like me. Everyone I choose to know holds their own place in my brain. In my heart. Everyone is attractive in their own way. I avoid people who are going to bring me down or use me.

I need to constantly remind myself that I am better because I want to be better, not so I measure up with someone. When I do, I hit my stride and get my self-esteem like that and learn more about myself when I do step back.  I'm not happy I get that 60 % in school, but it doesn't make me break. I want to do better for me. If not, then I look at it like I am in school, and learning and I passed my exam.

I'm not going to say that there isn't days, where I get sad or mad about my pain and daily frustrations. But, they have become few and far between. Everyone has the aches and pains, but I want them to know. They are important to people. They are beautiful, they are attractive and they should live their life with easiness. Live it light. Live it bright, and love the people that mean the most.

Good night my friends and family.

Part 2 done

Regards,
Devon

Unwanted, anxiety, and looking on the bright side of life.

"Don't you ever think/wish you could do more with your life?"
Simple phrase, but on a Richter scale it is about a 9.0 for your psychee.

People around me complain about grades, about not being able to drink on the weekend, and their job. Don't get me wrong, everyone's jobs suck at some point. (Especially when your boss calls you gimp 3 times a day). But really things could be much worse. Not going to throw in the Africa rant, but i am going to approach this using my realism approach to life.

I sit here at 12:30, in a hell of a lot of pain from a stomach ulcer I developed by taking prescribed ibuprofen and painkillers. I also probably developed them from a disgusting amount of pressure put upon myself. Everyone has pressure, and it is phrases like the opener ^ that just put a whole new spin on it. My hermano is very successful, and is probably my inspiration to do all I can do for me. He is my role model. If not for him, I would be working a dead end job at shoppers instead of realistically thinking about my future and helping the people around me.

I was born with a physical deformity, made fun of because of it, and ultimately spent many nights crying over it. One of my ears fell so now they aren't identical. More Hobbit jokes than you can handle. I'm 20 years old, going on 20 surgeries because of the complications of having bilateral clef lip and palate. I found a beautiful girl, and she has ultimately become a mature woman that compliments me in every way.

I could still sit here, enduring my ulcer pain. Getting 3 hours of sleep and constant cramps and spew venom at anyone who has a "better" life. I used to be that person, for the life of me I don't understand why I wanted to be that person. That is a disgusting person who only manifests the angst and pressure of being the bad guy. Not saying I am not an asshole. But I am less likely to tell you how depressing I thought my daily struggles are. Use them as some kind of sympathetic game. Things could be so much worse for me. Those surgeries, this pain, this love, my family have all bettered me and made me strong. Although my body is running off of fumes. My self-esteem is as high as it has been ever.

I really don't care how much you drink, how much you want a drink. What kind of grade you think you should get, or how much "dumber" I am than you because you scored higher. I will listen to how much your job sucked, but you can meet some special people in the work place. It can be humbling. Look at the positives. Hey, you have a job and make money which you can buy that alcohol with. You are in a post-secondary institute studying, and bettering yourself in the face of adversity. Be reasonable with yourself. You want to do better, put in the effort and try. I've witnessed people sit in chairs at Macewan just weeping at their textbooks. Dear God.

I've taken my health for granted. It caught up to me. It changed my view at life. I keep pressuring myself, my ulcer is going to destroy my gastrointestinal system. I stopped putting anxiety in my brain. I could've pushed myself into depths so far that would probably result in a long hospital stay or my own perishing. I would go to any length to make people around me understand that you are beautiful in your own way. Everyone deserves that. The unrealistic microscope they put themselves under is ridiculous. It shows, and it is a bad colour. Live to your potential and live to be healthy and help the people who matter most.

This is only part 1 of probably a long post.

Regards,

Devon

Life, Religion, and earphones

I get it, we all have our motivations and inspiration to do things. I grasp for the real things around me, my family, my thoughts, my goals. Mostly my family. Other people, use religion. I used to have problems with this. As it appeared/(s) to be a smoke and mirrors act. But, today I realized that it is no different than I drawing motivation from the people around me. People use religion and beliefs as a stepping stone to greatness. From my perspective, it appears to be the greatest aspect to that strong-willed persons life, or their turning point of them swan diving into the crazy pool.

For once I have come to peace that people will have their religious beliefs and they are good people for conducting life according to it (for the most part), and as it stands it leaves them open criticism. As does everything that I do in my life is open to criticism. I often will throw the comparison of the crazy man talking to the invisible person, or reference God as Gandalf. I incur whatever punishment I will receive in purgatory, as will the rest of you cynical folks.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you come intruding into my life with religion, shoving every aspect of it down my throat, I will acknowledge your beliefs, and most of the time respect it. I will even humor you, and will refrain from breaking it down using logic. I probably won't like it, but in a way, I am happy that a person is finding inspiration in our world; However, I conduct my way of living by learning from real things. Using heuristics to solve common problems, or live with my issues and deal with it. If you suggest the bible as a real thing, I will straight up shit cotton. That book is full of torture porn, incest, sodomy, racism, and for those Sandusky/MJ joke lovers. Rape.

These things are all punishable in a court of law. Yet, they are written and rewritten in text for you to projectile vomit it at people on the street. Yes, it is there for some kind of DON'T PUSH THIS BUTTON warning. But, if you don't bring attention to it, no one will push it, so why put it in there?

I'd be more inclined to believe in something that has many fallacies to it if I wasn't told why the Bible is the way of life. And you should live your life accordingly. Using that logic, i should dawn a cape and fight crime in Gotham city because I have read a Batman comic

I believe in values, I believe family is what comes first. I live accordingly, and plan life accordingly.

I am skeptical of religion because everyone has one, and everyone abuses it like a Sandusky joke. (2 in one article. Booya) If you were truly humbled and lived an honest, hard-working religious mans life. You would keep it to yourself because it is ultimately you who draws inspiration from it. I believe the concept exists. I just don't believe everyone understands the whole idea of it. I sure don't, and yet everyone throws this knowledge at you like Ian Michael Thomas in Rookie of the Year.

Final Thought: I get a rage bursting chub when people stop me, when I have both ear phones in. So they can tell me about the Bible. Kinda defeats the purpose of earphones doesn't it? Especially when I am listening to Morgan Freeman read Psalm 69, and Austin 3:16


By the way, I realize my thoughts aren't ever completed in my blog posts. Thus why it is a blog, huzzah!

Regards,
Devon

Part 2 of the depression post

As a follow up, I just wanted to point out that today I had moment of sympathy for those who have depression and have no way to cope with it. I play video games to take my mind off of the physical pain. It is not healthy, but it beats drinking or smoking.

People who have taken their lives because of it in the past. Didn't do the simplest and most realistic thing to help them. Talk to someone, even text someone. I can walk around on a given day, see at least 10-15 people who are battling with it somewhere. It is almost a badge. A purple heart if you will.

It is not impossible to see, nor is it impossible for it to go away. Lives are ruined, families, marriages have been ruined for lack of communication.

I've experienced the lows, i've cried at night, at nothing at all. Just to cry because it was some way to release some of my own pressures and anxiety. I did not seek help from a professional, cause ultimately that isn't what I needed. I needed a personal connection and conversation with someone. Someone who has had some experience with depression.

Today marked the 2nd annual Bell Let's Talk Day. Last year, I didn't take part in it. Mainly because I was depressed and was not willing to talk about anything to anyone. This year, I pushed it. Urged people on twitter to raise awareness for this now National ..... day.


As well, students who have anxiety attacks and get sad over the 80% they got. Really, not to bash those people. Aim higher, you are entitled to be displeased with it. I do not need to hear about how you need it to keep living.

Ultimately, people are battling depression and their own anxiety over bigger things. I am battling severely debilitating pain, and discomfort. I am battling an ulcer. And since I stopped putting my health behind everything else. I am no longer battling depression.

When CTV airs the Darkness Hope Documentary again, I hope you will all watch it. It is powerful.

Again, Regards,

Devon

Thank you to my mother, my girlfriend, my brothers, my uncle, and Ravid Dobb for all the contributions to make me who I am today.

Empowered and living.

My Take on Depression, Love is louder than depression.

Today is February 8th, I've sat sick for months, I live day to day. Because, ultimately that is all everybody can do. I've loved every moment on this Earth. Loved every person who matters to me. Lived my life the best of my abilities. Spent nights crying about leg pain, complained about lack of sleep. I've had 20 surgeries and have scapegoated my own faith and God for all of my daily issues.

Everyone in some point of their life battles depression, whether you know or just will not want to talk about it. Some people it consumes them, turns them into a person without feeling without care. I've lost 2 relatives in the past 5 years, because at that exact moment anxiety and depression was stronger than they were. Completely normal individuals without any cause for concern that they may take their own life.

People hold grudges, people swear, people downright make life miserable for most people. At a point in my life I was that person, I did make people feel worse. Because, i felt they should have to experience some kind of mental anguish. I've changed recently. I've become a better person in some ways, other ways I am still much of the asshole I was. I've realized life is too short to make people feel terrible. Words hurt, through 12 years of enduring insults about my personal appearance. I've learned it, I've developed tough skin. With the love of my family behind me. I've become stronger, better from those people being an ass. Without my Mother and my 2 Brothers being there no matter what, I don't know where I would be. I wrote that with tears of happiness.

Recently I've been conscientiously making an effort to help those people around me who are sad, who have been broken down to their core. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, people should tell people that instead of how ugly or fat that person is. Everyone should be told they are beautiful in some way.

Today, I write that I was a depression sufferer. There is help, it doesn't even have to be a professional organization. Just talk to the people close to you. The people who will care about you.

I hope at least one person will read this and feel some kind of hope. Some kind of motivation to help the people around them. Keep those battling depression close to heart and mind.

Regards,
Devon

Thank you to my immediate family, those people who have helped me at some point in my life. Most of my extended family. As well as my girlfriend Amanda.