Stocking shelves like a robot, coming from the darkness of the backroom with a cart of boxes, I hear the call. I notice a sudden panic around the Pharmacy. Look up I notice a man being helped up by a pharmacist who dropped everything to make sure he is okay. I look at the elderly man, notice him panting for oxygen and sweat on his brow.
"Devon, can you help this guy out?"(Pharmacist) "Sure" (me)
"Stay with him as long as he needs, make sure he is okay." (P)
I hold his arm, one foot in front of the other we make it out of the store with his groceries. We get to the food court, he stops and says we need to sit down. We sit on the hard seats, very uncomfortably. I don't know what to say, for once I see someone without care. His eyes were full of whatever life he had left. Mouth dry, he's still panting. I put the groceries on the table and we stare at each other for awhile. It was one of the most beautiful and saddening moments in my life.
He wets his lips, mouths a couple words. Clears his throat, looks to the side and said "I was supposed to have help today, I can usually carry my own groceries. I haven't been in a couple weeks so I had a little more to pick up."
"okay, so how are you?"
"Fine, just took a tumble, it happens more often than you think."
"What do you need?" I said
"Someone to sit with me until a cab arrives, the person who usually drives me was no longer available."
"Anything else I can do?"
*Pauses* "I just, I have 2 months to live, I'm going day to day. I have a hole in my heart, my stomach weak... I'm on Oxygen to keep me afloat"... "What happened?"
"I had a minor heart attack, valve weakened and I was given 2-4 months to live, it has been 6."
"How come you don't have anybody with you?"
"My family is working, I lost the driver because the system left me."
"I don't know what to say"
We sit for 5 more minutes. "Cab should be here soon"
"You can leave if you want"
"I'm not leaving your side until you are in the hands of another individual."
We wait, I ask him more about his life. Tells me about his family, his condition.
Cab arrives and I walk back to the store. Thinking the whole time, he knows he is near death, he wasn't mad. He wasn't all that sad. At most he was apathetic. He just willed his way to live and shared his story with me.
I've learned from that guy that any condition that afflicts you, whatever the mental state, whomever is around you. Life is worth living, as time is precious. Being on Earth is a gift.
It has been a a year and 8 months since that conversation, I have no idea where he is, what came of it. I have hopes he is alive. That 5 minute conversation that felt like a lifetime for me. Changed my perspective. Everyone should work in customer service as it affects you in different ways.
I never found out his name. He never came back, I shook his hand and felt the life be rejuvenated to me.
The lesson that he has taught me is the reason why I wanted to change my attitude and deal with my depression straight on instead of running from it.
I'm grateful for the people around me and being able to share my stories and my life; regardless of who reads it or doesn't, I want to make a difference. Every story is worth telling.
Thanks,
Regards,
Devon
This is my life, contains anxiety and the constant struggle with the unknown.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Pre-final anxiety and whirlwind that is after
Finals done, YAY.
Catch my breath and recollect my thoughts. That moment that you finish that exam is pure elation. Knowing you left it out there on the table.
The road to the show was nothing enjoyable. For 2 weeks just stressing about life, the exams, and the very unfortunate outcomes that could come of it. The stress builds and mounts.
Wait... For once in my life, I went into 2 separate exams ambivalent to my emotions. It was detachment, I wish in a good way. Something at the end of November struck me over the head with a little bit of rationality.
What is the worst that happens? what if I don't pass? Why are all the people around me crying? Where did my pants go?
Well, anyways I stumbled upon the idea that I let it be for once in my life. I go in and write, and it comes out however it comes out. Overall it is an interesting feeling, uneasy even. Going 4 years with constant anxiety from a disorder to nothing for a week is insanity. After the exams I was shaken. It was a then what? should I have been in worse shape? Did I do well? I broke down and cried for the first time in awhile.
It was something that rewarded me with relief. Crying released all the anxiety from the first semester
Yeah, I cried. Big whoop wanna fight about it?
I've talked to people about how shitty finals week went. It should be a utopia. Almost done last gasp.
I have gotten back my marks recently, I passed. Didn't hit what I wanted.
But, I left everything out there. That is something to hang my hat on. It is something for all the fellow students to hang their hat on as well.
Let yourself go and trust you have some innate knowledge that can lead you to where you want to go, as corny as that sounds. It is something that I have learned in the past 4 months. It is serving me quite well.
Regards,
Devon
Catch my breath and recollect my thoughts. That moment that you finish that exam is pure elation. Knowing you left it out there on the table.
The road to the show was nothing enjoyable. For 2 weeks just stressing about life, the exams, and the very unfortunate outcomes that could come of it. The stress builds and mounts.
Wait... For once in my life, I went into 2 separate exams ambivalent to my emotions. It was detachment, I wish in a good way. Something at the end of November struck me over the head with a little bit of rationality.
What is the worst that happens? what if I don't pass? Why are all the people around me crying? Where did my pants go?
Well, anyways I stumbled upon the idea that I let it be for once in my life. I go in and write, and it comes out however it comes out. Overall it is an interesting feeling, uneasy even. Going 4 years with constant anxiety from a disorder to nothing for a week is insanity. After the exams I was shaken. It was a then what? should I have been in worse shape? Did I do well? I broke down and cried for the first time in awhile.
It was something that rewarded me with relief. Crying released all the anxiety from the first semester
Yeah, I cried. Big whoop wanna fight about it?
I've talked to people about how shitty finals week went. It should be a utopia. Almost done last gasp.
I have gotten back my marks recently, I passed. Didn't hit what I wanted.
But, I left everything out there. That is something to hang my hat on. It is something for all the fellow students to hang their hat on as well.
Let yourself go and trust you have some innate knowledge that can lead you to where you want to go, as corny as that sounds. It is something that I have learned in the past 4 months. It is serving me quite well.
Regards,
Devon
Friday, December 14, 2012
Gun Control, Mental Health and Connecticut
A town with a population of 27,000 was marred by tragedy on 14/12/12. It is indescribable as to why this can happen in a world like today when it can easily be stopped. What are 2 semi-automatic handguns willingly handed out to people who are of no clear mental sanity. No background check, no nothing, no questions. I'm not even aware of if the screening tests they say they do when they sell a gun. Because if a person can go shoot a group of kids, he can't possibly pass a simple screening test.
What level of darkness does a person have to be in to kill 18 children. Why? If he is a parent, why is he in the school with a gun? is it too much to ask to put metal detectors in. Simple things to stop so many lives lost.
Schools around them locking down, and anarchy has developed in Newtown, how does a parent let their kids go to school after that. Free babysitting service is what a elementary school is. It isn't worth it when people are walking into schools and shooting everyone.
Columbine happened because people were bullied, depressed, and didn't know a way out. Guns were easily accessible and people were killed. 10 years later we have the same thing happen, but with children. How do we go 10 years without tightening up school regulations and gun control? How many lives need to be lost? How long until we do mental health checks on people? this is too much at this point. It is a civil war amongst the "American" citizens.
Killing unarmed children angers me so much that I am beginning to ramble.
As of an hour ago the shooter was identified. What's worse? They are going to show his disgusting face all over every news outlet, to inspire all the other little vermin to do the same thing. Show the victims maybe show these people to have a little compassion. Why do they need to show the mug of the disgusting scum of Earth.
This no longer is about something from hundreds of years ago, this is now, 2012, it is the time to change. Amend it and bring in new policies. The south can manage without guns I think. As a Canadian I beg of the United States to work on gun policy and mental health checks.
Stop lives lost and wake up finally
RIP children in Newtown
What level of darkness does a person have to be in to kill 18 children. Why? If he is a parent, why is he in the school with a gun? is it too much to ask to put metal detectors in. Simple things to stop so many lives lost.
Schools around them locking down, and anarchy has developed in Newtown, how does a parent let their kids go to school after that. Free babysitting service is what a elementary school is. It isn't worth it when people are walking into schools and shooting everyone.
Columbine happened because people were bullied, depressed, and didn't know a way out. Guns were easily accessible and people were killed. 10 years later we have the same thing happen, but with children. How do we go 10 years without tightening up school regulations and gun control? How many lives need to be lost? How long until we do mental health checks on people? this is too much at this point. It is a civil war amongst the "American" citizens.
Killing unarmed children angers me so much that I am beginning to ramble.
As of an hour ago the shooter was identified. What's worse? They are going to show his disgusting face all over every news outlet, to inspire all the other little vermin to do the same thing. Show the victims maybe show these people to have a little compassion. Why do they need to show the mug of the disgusting scum of Earth.
This no longer is about something from hundreds of years ago, this is now, 2012, it is the time to change. Amend it and bring in new policies. The south can manage without guns I think. As a Canadian I beg of the United States to work on gun policy and mental health checks.
Stop lives lost and wake up finally
RIP children in Newtown
Politics, Gun Control, and Aurora
The unfortunate events of aurora and the... unfortunate events of sociial media is resulting in the heads of liberals, democrats, cavemen, and radicals.
What happened in Aurora was disgusting, from a man who understood how the human brain functions. How the human brain reacts to the trauma from such events. This is a man who failed, failed at life. Failed his family and failed his colleagues. A man who had nothing to gain and hit a bottom with nothing to lose. He understood how the mind reacts to the thought of suicide and depression. He doped himself to give himself the energy to do it. A man going for neuroscience PhD and had to withdraw for reasons unknown. However, reports and tweets point to him failing. Taking the chance of moving to a new location with new debt and new anxiety. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't talk to anyone. Even his mother didn't have much sympathy for those who were affected from his sons rash decisions.
His mom received mail and phone calls repeatedly for candid words. She decided to release a pretty vague and disinterested response.
He made his bed and is more than content to live with the consequences. Could more have been done to prevent it. Probably, could he have been stopped before he unloaded, most likely. Cops got there within 2 minutes. Which for the people in the theatre was an eternity. But, for all the shit people say about the police they managed to get in there and get control of the situation before things got way worse.
I applaud the efforts of those in uniform who helped the people in need. These kinds of things shouldn't happen.
For the thousandth time, I say enough is enough with guns being able to be 'beared' regardless of mental health check or any kind of stability check. They need more strict gun laws. The UK has quite a bit fewer gun-orientated crimes. In no way should a person be allowed to hold an automatic rifle unless in the military. It doesn't make sense logically.
But this vicious of a crime makes it harder to understand why guns should be sold on street corners. An AR-15 is an automatic rifle that is rarely used for hunting... Unless you are a terrible shot. Uzi's are sold willingly as well. But, why? What other reason would a person have for buying an automatic weapon
Tighten up the gun accessibility and do mental health checks, or get rid of guns all together.
What happened in Aurora was disgusting, from a man who understood how the human brain functions. How the human brain reacts to the trauma from such events. This is a man who failed, failed at life. Failed his family and failed his colleagues. A man who had nothing to gain and hit a bottom with nothing to lose. He understood how the mind reacts to the thought of suicide and depression. He doped himself to give himself the energy to do it. A man going for neuroscience PhD and had to withdraw for reasons unknown. However, reports and tweets point to him failing. Taking the chance of moving to a new location with new debt and new anxiety. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't talk to anyone. Even his mother didn't have much sympathy for those who were affected from his sons rash decisions.
His mom received mail and phone calls repeatedly for candid words. She decided to release a pretty vague and disinterested response.
He made his bed and is more than content to live with the consequences. Could more have been done to prevent it. Probably, could he have been stopped before he unloaded, most likely. Cops got there within 2 minutes. Which for the people in the theatre was an eternity. But, for all the shit people say about the police they managed to get in there and get control of the situation before things got way worse.
I applaud the efforts of those in uniform who helped the people in need. These kinds of things shouldn't happen.
For the thousandth time, I say enough is enough with guns being able to be 'beared' regardless of mental health check or any kind of stability check. They need more strict gun laws. The UK has quite a bit fewer gun-orientated crimes. In no way should a person be allowed to hold an automatic rifle unless in the military. It doesn't make sense logically.
But this vicious of a crime makes it harder to understand why guns should be sold on street corners. An AR-15 is an automatic rifle that is rarely used for hunting... Unless you are a terrible shot. Uzi's are sold willingly as well. But, why? What other reason would a person have for buying an automatic weapon
Tighten up the gun accessibility and do mental health checks, or get rid of guns all together.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
CBA,Off the table? on the table? who is to blame?
Nobody, nobody is to blame. None of them care anymore, it is a pissing contest. Even the players at the bottom of the ladder appear to be getting sick of it. They are the ones who play hockey for a living and not just to be a star.
Owners made it explicitly clear that bringing Don Fehr into the room before a deal was officially signed would be a terrible move. Players did it, they paid, not literally. We paid, the employees of the stadiums paid, and the fans played. Players said they wanted this, they wanted that, and they were entitled to this. Some of it they are entitled to. But, as it is rarely looked at "don't mix business with pleasure." Even throw another cliche "don't mix work and friends." The players have done both, the Owners have shown little emotion or sympathy. Which is bad on their part, they should have a little sympathy for their 'money makers/seat fillers"
However you slice it, it is a bad PR move on both sides, and a huge blunder by the league in general. Also, those blaming Bettman as satan/jew/terrible human being. He is all of those things and more, I am right there with you (I've seen his Yarmulke). In this case he is only a messenger, ordered by the owners as now he serves no real role in how to slice the HRR. Scapegoat him if you want, but he isn't the one you want to scapegoat. He was the problem in 04, because his emotions towards Goodenow overtook the discussion during the work stoppage. Once he dealt with him, everything went business as usual. In 2012/13 he has no real purpose out there.
Players want 393 million from the 211 million offer from the owners. 300 million in the make whole provision as well as a sturdy pension plan were the focal points. Although we don't know much about what the players thought about the Make Whole, as they lied through their teeth in the media address. The pension plan was a backbreaker, because 20k difference between pension in Canada and pension in the US meant a lot to people who amass well over a couple million in their career.
Don Fehr has been the No Man, Steve Fehr tried to do all he could. They should really switch roles at this point. He won't, they won't, and the owners really don't want to deal with a guy with a limited vocabulary of "no".
NHLPA also chose some interesting people to oversee the meeting. Ron Hainsey, Campoli, Crosby, Backes, and in their biggest mistake in the whole lockout. Ryan Miller. A man who saw very little opportunity to succeed in Buffalo made that city pay to keep him. Really pay to keep him.
Players who are bitching about a 5 year max contract in UFA (7 for team extension) should really pipe down. Yes, the owners shouldn't offer that if they don't want to. The thing, is they don't have to. The players hold the ball in their court when it comes to contract talks. They want stability, and as we have seen in other sports (baseball:A Rod, any of the Redskins roster 2 years ago, Beckham) those deals never pan out. They don't help the club, they hinder it. The owners want you to earn the money and earn your contract.
I have some optimism, which is below 1% of the general hockey fan population. I believe they do reach a deal, as the players are going to start calling for Fehr's head. He is trying to get the best deal, but ripping down the bonds that owners and players may have. They could've signed last night as the deal was about half-way on all front. Something tells me Fehr told them to hold out. (via @adater on Twitter).
Anger went to apathy went to excitement and is now in a no-man's land.
Greed is a terrible thing, makes people do terrible things and it should not have a home in Hockey.
Wake up NHL and NHLPA, no mother or father wants their kid playing hockey when they know the big stage is ran by kids themselves.
Here's to the World Juniors.
Sincerely,
A hockey fan.
Devon
Thanks to @tsnbobmckenzie, @darrendreger, @jsportsnet @adater @reporterchris @NikKypreos @helenenothelen @DougMaclean for all your hard work out there.
Owners made it explicitly clear that bringing Don Fehr into the room before a deal was officially signed would be a terrible move. Players did it, they paid, not literally. We paid, the employees of the stadiums paid, and the fans played. Players said they wanted this, they wanted that, and they were entitled to this. Some of it they are entitled to. But, as it is rarely looked at "don't mix business with pleasure." Even throw another cliche "don't mix work and friends." The players have done both, the Owners have shown little emotion or sympathy. Which is bad on their part, they should have a little sympathy for their 'money makers/seat fillers"
However you slice it, it is a bad PR move on both sides, and a huge blunder by the league in general. Also, those blaming Bettman as satan/jew/terrible human being. He is all of those things and more, I am right there with you (I've seen his Yarmulke). In this case he is only a messenger, ordered by the owners as now he serves no real role in how to slice the HRR. Scapegoat him if you want, but he isn't the one you want to scapegoat. He was the problem in 04, because his emotions towards Goodenow overtook the discussion during the work stoppage. Once he dealt with him, everything went business as usual. In 2012/13 he has no real purpose out there.
Players want 393 million from the 211 million offer from the owners. 300 million in the make whole provision as well as a sturdy pension plan were the focal points. Although we don't know much about what the players thought about the Make Whole, as they lied through their teeth in the media address. The pension plan was a backbreaker, because 20k difference between pension in Canada and pension in the US meant a lot to people who amass well over a couple million in their career.
Don Fehr has been the No Man, Steve Fehr tried to do all he could. They should really switch roles at this point. He won't, they won't, and the owners really don't want to deal with a guy with a limited vocabulary of "no".
NHLPA also chose some interesting people to oversee the meeting. Ron Hainsey, Campoli, Crosby, Backes, and in their biggest mistake in the whole lockout. Ryan Miller. A man who saw very little opportunity to succeed in Buffalo made that city pay to keep him. Really pay to keep him.
Players who are bitching about a 5 year max contract in UFA (7 for team extension) should really pipe down. Yes, the owners shouldn't offer that if they don't want to. The thing, is they don't have to. The players hold the ball in their court when it comes to contract talks. They want stability, and as we have seen in other sports (baseball:A Rod, any of the Redskins roster 2 years ago, Beckham) those deals never pan out. They don't help the club, they hinder it. The owners want you to earn the money and earn your contract.
I have some optimism, which is below 1% of the general hockey fan population. I believe they do reach a deal, as the players are going to start calling for Fehr's head. He is trying to get the best deal, but ripping down the bonds that owners and players may have. They could've signed last night as the deal was about half-way on all front. Something tells me Fehr told them to hold out. (via @adater on Twitter).
Anger went to apathy went to excitement and is now in a no-man's land.
Greed is a terrible thing, makes people do terrible things and it should not have a home in Hockey.
Wake up NHL and NHLPA, no mother or father wants their kid playing hockey when they know the big stage is ran by kids themselves.
Here's to the World Juniors.
Sincerely,
A hockey fan.
Devon
Thanks to @tsnbobmckenzie, @darrendreger, @jsportsnet @adater @reporterchris @NikKypreos @helenenothelen @DougMaclean for all your hard work out there.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Syncrude, and their empty promises to okay the pipeline
http://www.edmontonjournal.com/business/Pollution+pristine+Syncrude+test+plan+turn+tailing+ponds+into+clean+lakes/7641040/story.html
There is that story, good guy Syncrude trying to come in and prove oil companies care about the zoology of nature and the humans who live around the pit. I would be more incline to believe them if they weren't currently working on a giant pipeline that runs from BC to Montreal. If you read past the first 3 paragraphs you would believe almost most of what they said about it. That they want to make clean drinking water, they want to stop dumping, and want to help work on the environment
About paragraph 12 and beyond makes me very suspicious, because the guy himself brings up time. How much albertans would tolerate before they get displeased. In the Conservative province of Alberta they don't need to focus on that, unless they are trying to win over whatever is left for people on the political spectrum.
It is a very smart maneuver on their part, gain the treehuggers, the socialists, and the liberal party supporters just by announcing they signed a tentative agreement to deal with issues surrounding the oil sands.
Those people who own or operate within an oil company think in dollars and cents, not for how people are going to live around it. They are in the biggest industry in the world, the industry that keeps the world moving (literally)
Don't be sucked in by their promises to help the environment, protect aboriginal land, and overall just making Alberta a better place to live. All of it is bologna. They choose to ignore that people in this province have a shred of intelligence to see-through their "plans."
They are trying to get you to agree on any pacts they may have, if they are helping the environment. They are there to have a take and take battle, they will never finish that treatment plant. But, it will be their platform on any discussion here on out. They would be better being completely honest about it. They are crafty, almost as good as the Cigarette companies,
But, that is something I will discuss later.
Regards,
Devon
There is that story, good guy Syncrude trying to come in and prove oil companies care about the zoology of nature and the humans who live around the pit. I would be more incline to believe them if they weren't currently working on a giant pipeline that runs from BC to Montreal. If you read past the first 3 paragraphs you would believe almost most of what they said about it. That they want to make clean drinking water, they want to stop dumping, and want to help work on the environment
About paragraph 12 and beyond makes me very suspicious, because the guy himself brings up time. How much albertans would tolerate before they get displeased. In the Conservative province of Alberta they don't need to focus on that, unless they are trying to win over whatever is left for people on the political spectrum.
It is a very smart maneuver on their part, gain the treehuggers, the socialists, and the liberal party supporters just by announcing they signed a tentative agreement to deal with issues surrounding the oil sands.
Those people who own or operate within an oil company think in dollars and cents, not for how people are going to live around it. They are in the biggest industry in the world, the industry that keeps the world moving (literally)
Don't be sucked in by their promises to help the environment, protect aboriginal land, and overall just making Alberta a better place to live. All of it is bologna. They choose to ignore that people in this province have a shred of intelligence to see-through their "plans."
They are trying to get you to agree on any pacts they may have, if they are helping the environment. They are there to have a take and take battle, they will never finish that treatment plant. But, it will be their platform on any discussion here on out. They would be better being completely honest about it. They are crafty, almost as good as the Cigarette companies,
But, that is something I will discuss later.
Regards,
Devon
Borderline insomnia and it's affect on me
For 2 weeks I have been unable to sleep, it is pretty consistent with the precautions of finals. I just want to be done them and enjoy the holidays, I have a lot to get over though
I shouldn't say unable to sleep, more like I don't go to sleep until 4 or 5, I am so exhausted at that point my leg begins to twitch and cramp. I cannot fall asleep until I hit that point however. It fills me with rage that I don't fall asleep until that point, and I cannot wake up for shit because of said exhaustion. I sleep until 1 pm usually. Feel like quite the slob and just lay there angry.
I wish I could understand the concept of it, and why the circadian rhythm gets disrupted. At this point it is only increasing my cortisol levels and affecting my psychology. It is factor right there that affects my brain and how I think. I don't think clearly in this stage, I don't think with any kind of rationale. Just mind pacing and no real reason to calm down.
It seems like small peas, but I know from experience that insomnia can lead to a lot of health problems. So watch your circadian rhythm and keep tabs on it.
Short and sweet blogpost, bigger problems in the world for me to worry about or for the rest of you to care about.
I shouldn't say unable to sleep, more like I don't go to sleep until 4 or 5, I am so exhausted at that point my leg begins to twitch and cramp. I cannot fall asleep until I hit that point however. It fills me with rage that I don't fall asleep until that point, and I cannot wake up for shit because of said exhaustion. I sleep until 1 pm usually. Feel like quite the slob and just lay there angry.
I wish I could understand the concept of it, and why the circadian rhythm gets disrupted. At this point it is only increasing my cortisol levels and affecting my psychology. It is factor right there that affects my brain and how I think. I don't think clearly in this stage, I don't think with any kind of rationale. Just mind pacing and no real reason to calm down.
It seems like small peas, but I know from experience that insomnia can lead to a lot of health problems. So watch your circadian rhythm and keep tabs on it.
Short and sweet blogpost, bigger problems in the world for me to worry about or for the rest of you to care about.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Anxiety, what I have learned to help me understand the disorder
People are probably fed up with me some days, when I minimize their catastrophizing (not a word). "It seems so easy for you, not having anxiety"
Here's the thing, I have anxiety, I battle it. It becomes/became (for me) a disorder, and when it reaches a critical mass it begins to result in depression. Which is what happened to me, left it too long without addressing the need to talk about it. (5 years-ish). It does not become about me not having anxiety, rather how I control it. I think of things that are not related to my anxiety (school, stomach, pain). I play video games to escape the WANT to think of those things, I guess within the disorder it kind of controls you.
What I learned over writing this blog, which I had never wanted to come to realize is. Those people who suffer from anxiety disorder (severe or a casual variety) are not bigger than the disorder themselves. At least not until you understand and manage your life accordingly. Avoidance of conversating about school, talking about my ulcer (hey, you hear that I have an ulcer), talking about exams or talking about family matters (not the show). I suffer from anxiety now; however, at a substantially lower degree. I have learned to accept that for the time being, whilst I am in school. I will have anxiety, when I am at work, I may have anxiety. Keeping yourself occupied with even the most trivial things can help your situation. Have a hobby, and run with it. 19 years of gaming has done me no wrong.... yet.
Life tends to take a big runny dump on your chest at the most opportune time. You need to be ready, and able to deal with the punches it throws at you (it isn't Glass joe punches neither). I've learned to plan to minimize the damage of those occasions. Learned to appreciate having a mundane day. Doesn't need to be exciting, those mundane days are a must to keep you level headed.
I took a break from addressing these issues because I was doing great, finals are kind of wracking my brain. But, the holidays keep me in positive spirits and enjoying my time.
Remain focused and love those around you.
Also, I wrote it because it is monday, and mondays are the god damned worse.
Regards,
Devon
Here's the thing, I have anxiety, I battle it. It becomes/became (for me) a disorder, and when it reaches a critical mass it begins to result in depression. Which is what happened to me, left it too long without addressing the need to talk about it. (5 years-ish). It does not become about me not having anxiety, rather how I control it. I think of things that are not related to my anxiety (school, stomach, pain). I play video games to escape the WANT to think of those things, I guess within the disorder it kind of controls you.
What I learned over writing this blog, which I had never wanted to come to realize is. Those people who suffer from anxiety disorder (severe or a casual variety) are not bigger than the disorder themselves. At least not until you understand and manage your life accordingly. Avoidance of conversating about school, talking about my ulcer (hey, you hear that I have an ulcer), talking about exams or talking about family matters (not the show). I suffer from anxiety now; however, at a substantially lower degree. I have learned to accept that for the time being, whilst I am in school. I will have anxiety, when I am at work, I may have anxiety. Keeping yourself occupied with even the most trivial things can help your situation. Have a hobby, and run with it. 19 years of gaming has done me no wrong.... yet.
Life tends to take a big runny dump on your chest at the most opportune time. You need to be ready, and able to deal with the punches it throws at you (it isn't Glass joe punches neither). I've learned to plan to minimize the damage of those occasions. Learned to appreciate having a mundane day. Doesn't need to be exciting, those mundane days are a must to keep you level headed.
I took a break from addressing these issues because I was doing great, finals are kind of wracking my brain. But, the holidays keep me in positive spirits and enjoying my time.
Remain focused and love those around you.
Also, I wrote it because it is monday, and mondays are the god damned worse.
Regards,
Devon
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Living as an aboriginal person who looks white.
I identify with my race. I have a white last name, but will be changed sometime in the near future. I want to honour my living and deceased relatives. I speak, and interact with my mother's side of the family. I have always identified as aboriginal. I've never once identified as once in all of my schooling, or basic conversation. Never despised my race regardless of how they are portrayed in pop culture today. I am comfortable and confident in being a First Nations individual. I have relatives on my mother's side who grew up and played the same part as I, I have relatives who have chose not to disclose any information on race. I have faced discrimination, never to the severity of some of my relatives. I've never picked on a fellow First Nation member of society.
I love my grandmother, wish I had met my great grandfather and hope to know more of my ancestry in the future.
I understand the current crises that is found in aboriginal populations. I've read on the Kelowna Accord, the cutting of many aboriginal social programs (sisters and spirit for example), the lack of clean drinking water and the successes of the Yukon Brotherhood. I defend aboriginals in any conversation. I have pride
But, it does not rush to my head, I'm not about to go put on a headdress and go to a pow-wow or Round Dance. I am afforded rights as an aboriginal, although they have been narrowed down and reduced/cut over the past 10 years. I am capable of moving on, in a polite manner while maintaining my heritage. I still have basic Aboriginal rights. However, they declare me as Metis now, which is pretty insulting to paint us with a broad brush.
These rights I am afforded include decent access to prescriptions and coverage on some medical things. Can buy tax free cigarettes and gas (woo!). But, the biggest one is a majority if not all of my schooling is taken care of. That is something I personally cannot put a price on, I probably wouldn't be chasing my dreams if it weren't for that.
That being said, most if not all programs aimed to assist First Nations peoples are either government ran or ran by a white person. and hundreds of years ago when white people came and forcefully took land it pissed a lot of people off. They 'cut' us some kind of break, but it is never enough. it is at least 8-11 generations from that time, and we still demand more. The government could easily neglect the deal or work their away around it where they don't owe us shit. I'm aware of the many stipulations and stigmas my people face.
You did not know what residential schools were like unless you were forced into one, or have a relative who was. Anything you spread after that is hearsay. First Nations, are resilient and deserve the same amount of respect from anyone, as a general human rule, so should everyone else in society.
Don't ever call me white, or a hypocrite for standing up for my race.
More on this later.
Regards,
Devon
I love my grandmother, wish I had met my great grandfather and hope to know more of my ancestry in the future.
I understand the current crises that is found in aboriginal populations. I've read on the Kelowna Accord, the cutting of many aboriginal social programs (sisters and spirit for example), the lack of clean drinking water and the successes of the Yukon Brotherhood. I defend aboriginals in any conversation. I have pride
But, it does not rush to my head, I'm not about to go put on a headdress and go to a pow-wow or Round Dance. I am afforded rights as an aboriginal, although they have been narrowed down and reduced/cut over the past 10 years. I am capable of moving on, in a polite manner while maintaining my heritage. I still have basic Aboriginal rights. However, they declare me as Metis now, which is pretty insulting to paint us with a broad brush.
These rights I am afforded include decent access to prescriptions and coverage on some medical things. Can buy tax free cigarettes and gas (woo!). But, the biggest one is a majority if not all of my schooling is taken care of. That is something I personally cannot put a price on, I probably wouldn't be chasing my dreams if it weren't for that.
That being said, most if not all programs aimed to assist First Nations peoples are either government ran or ran by a white person. and hundreds of years ago when white people came and forcefully took land it pissed a lot of people off. They 'cut' us some kind of break, but it is never enough. it is at least 8-11 generations from that time, and we still demand more. The government could easily neglect the deal or work their away around it where they don't owe us shit. I'm aware of the many stipulations and stigmas my people face.
You did not know what residential schools were like unless you were forced into one, or have a relative who was. Anything you spread after that is hearsay. First Nations, are resilient and deserve the same amount of respect from anyone, as a general human rule, so should everyone else in society.
Don't ever call me white, or a hypocrite for standing up for my race.
Regards,
Devon
Friday, November 23, 2012
2012 NHL Lockout's downfall : Social Media
In 2004-05, the NHL had their way with Bob Goodenow, according to everyone. but down to the facts. Goodenow got a majority of what he wanted, gave up a few things. Like a cap system, everything went hunky dory for 7 years. Could've been 8 but both the NHL and players had their knickers in a bunch and didn't want to play with the CBA in question. So, 2004 all we really had to go with was TSN and whatever local paper and news outlets could spoonfeed us. However; the 2 sides (although took 3 months) eventually met in private over a period of days and hashed out a deal. The key, that 3 month break allowed for a lot of number crunching and evaluating what both sides could want, could do without. It was for all intensive purposes, a fair deal. Although 43-57 doesn't seem fair. On top of what the owners provide for the players daily, it is quite fair and reasonable. Players also made money through sponsors and had a pretty open window to work with whomever they want in that regard. Goodenow was capable of saying yes. Bettman was controlled by a very different group of owners at a very interesting time for the US economy.
Flashforward 8 years, we are spoonfed by the players what they think, owners don't speak, everyone scapegoats Bettman, you want to know the reality of it all, Bettman is told what to do by the very owners that pay these players. So, players bashing Bettman should be asking questions to their own owner. Instead of scapegoating people. Twitter also leads Athletes to think they know something about economics, again I bring up why are they bringing players to the bargaining table when they can't even use the correct form of their/there/they're. Players, spew venom. It does not go unnoticed by their club, fans, colleagues, and owners and in actuality really hinders the damn process. Enough apologizing to the fans players, if you wanted to play hockey in North America in the NHL you would communicate with your owner, or shut your damn mouth.
Now the owners, some may be former players at some level, but most of them look at their team as a business. Earning revenue and going about their day. These people apparently care about the game, to be honest they are trying to get the game going so they can get the hole in their wallet sewn back together. You know what, they are doing a damn good job. They are working on these so called economic issues (splitting 3.03 billion). Giving the players a majority of what they want. It just isn't the time I guess. Now they knock out games 1 by 1. Just cancel the damn season and work the damn thing out.
Now my biggest complaint, The media, whether it is twitter, facebook, TSN, ESPN?, Hockey News, everyone reports every little detail. Enticing someone from either side to talk before the negotiations.
STOP, on Wednesday, November 23 there was a buzz of optimism on the twittersphere that they could work something out. Some ass clown decided lets ask Don Fehr to bash the NHL and tell them what pieces of shit they are. Cause they will totally be willing to work after you metaphorically skin them on live TV. It is a game of he said, she said now. Something that never happened so publicly in 04-05. These fans the players say they care about, no longer care about the players or owners unless they are looking for a "retweet"
Oh, players by the way, you were afforded the opportunity to play the game you love, not the economics behind it. They own the team, they employ you, they pay you. It is how the rest of the world works, too. Please, quit trying to be a fortune 500 CEO, it makes you look more greedy than the owners.
Social Media is the fuel to an otherwise tiny fire, but at this rate it is becoming the Springfield Tire Fire.
I don't have an optimism for an NHL season this year, or next year for that matter. Because everyone involved thinks they have a say. Everyone thinks they know what is best. Everyone wants every fucking dollar of that 3.03 BILLION that lies on the table. Instead of splitting it, they are losing at at an astronomical rate. So, great job NHL and NHLPA.
Special thanks to the Media for trying to stoke every fire possible in regards to it.
It is amazing the power that technology has on something so much bigger than itself.
Regards,
Devon
Flashforward 8 years, we are spoonfed by the players what they think, owners don't speak, everyone scapegoats Bettman, you want to know the reality of it all, Bettman is told what to do by the very owners that pay these players. So, players bashing Bettman should be asking questions to their own owner. Instead of scapegoating people. Twitter also leads Athletes to think they know something about economics, again I bring up why are they bringing players to the bargaining table when they can't even use the correct form of their/there/they're. Players, spew venom. It does not go unnoticed by their club, fans, colleagues, and owners and in actuality really hinders the damn process. Enough apologizing to the fans players, if you wanted to play hockey in North America in the NHL you would communicate with your owner, or shut your damn mouth.
Now the owners, some may be former players at some level, but most of them look at their team as a business. Earning revenue and going about their day. These people apparently care about the game, to be honest they are trying to get the game going so they can get the hole in their wallet sewn back together. You know what, they are doing a damn good job. They are working on these so called economic issues (splitting 3.03 billion). Giving the players a majority of what they want. It just isn't the time I guess. Now they knock out games 1 by 1. Just cancel the damn season and work the damn thing out.
Now my biggest complaint, The media, whether it is twitter, facebook, TSN, ESPN?, Hockey News, everyone reports every little detail. Enticing someone from either side to talk before the negotiations.
STOP, on Wednesday, November 23 there was a buzz of optimism on the twittersphere that they could work something out. Some ass clown decided lets ask Don Fehr to bash the NHL and tell them what pieces of shit they are. Cause they will totally be willing to work after you metaphorically skin them on live TV. It is a game of he said, she said now. Something that never happened so publicly in 04-05. These fans the players say they care about, no longer care about the players or owners unless they are looking for a "retweet"
Oh, players by the way, you were afforded the opportunity to play the game you love, not the economics behind it. They own the team, they employ you, they pay you. It is how the rest of the world works, too. Please, quit trying to be a fortune 500 CEO, it makes you look more greedy than the owners.
Social Media is the fuel to an otherwise tiny fire, but at this rate it is becoming the Springfield Tire Fire.
I don't have an optimism for an NHL season this year, or next year for that matter. Because everyone involved thinks they have a say. Everyone thinks they know what is best. Everyone wants every fucking dollar of that 3.03 BILLION that lies on the table. Instead of splitting it, they are losing at at an astronomical rate. So, great job NHL and NHLPA.
Special thanks to the Media for trying to stoke every fire possible in regards to it.
It is amazing the power that technology has on something so much bigger than itself.
Regards,
Devon
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2 spoiler/review
Holy man, where to start. This movie starts off with Bella looking around and stuff in detail, enjoying her surroundings then BAM close up of Robert Pattinson. Laughed my ass off, then they bring in Taylor Lautner as some kind of sad Keanu type dude to sit there and look like a ripped douchewad. Surprisingly he plays that well. Then we get into the fun part, the kid that she had with... uh. Anyways that kid looks so horribly CGI'd in some parts, I have no idea if they used a real kid but it looked weird as hell. (even coming from me). So they progress in some shit, or something I dunno, I was too busy laughing at the horrible effects and getting dirty looks.
Let me preface all of this by saying I had zero expectations going in, and it surpassed those expectations in the wrong direction. So after the kid pretends to contribute to anything, the big clown looking dude starts talking to whom I am told is his father. I call him the metro walking H and M guy. Then they do a hilarious comedy bit where bella starts breaking boulders like donkey kong. Which I lost it at that part. It was the equivalent of watching gallagher but like awkward, skinny and gross. So they get passed that shit and then some weird shit isn't explained at all then all of the sudden this Peewee Herman look a like comes in. Starts babbling doing perv faces the whole time. I'm sitting there confused as balls. Then I'm like woo! Maggie Grace, I'M NOT EVEN SURE SHE HAD DIALOGUE. So then she sees which if I saw this I would freak the fuck out to. But, that....kid who has now aged 10 years in 2 days. Jump for a fucking snowflake Space Jam style. So she goes back to peewee herman in the movie theatre he is in. He starts teleporting, I am sitting there like WTF mate. So then they try to force a very stupid and poorly constructed plotline after that. Which until that, there was none. Just a bunch of vampires circle jerking about how Kirsten Stewart has probably banged everyone on that set, at different times... Or the same time
So after the peewee herman finishes in his chamber he decides to bring in the first bout of racism. "the blackrobes" are a group of, thuggish type people in... Blackrobes. Fuck, stephanie Meyer should write more. She seems to be worth every penny. So these blackrobes are pissed, and have no brains so they go out like zombies to hunt these people. Then Bella or whats her tits gets a message which really doesn't translate to shit. it should say "people coming, go now." So, then they get taylor lautner to try to seduce her father or some shit by undressing and turning into a wolf.
Then something completely random happens, and they say they think she is Immortal, and they need proof by getting hear say from the rest of the fucking freaky vampires. Then with no backstory all of these vampires from india, and the racism part 2 amazon show up, and have super powers? what in the fuck is going on. Then they jerk off over their powers for about 20 minutes. And all of this time they don't fucking eat taylor lautner, that guy got his moneys worth, he is as talentless as Donald Trump. So continuing on, they start making o faces around this time at random scenes. Not sure if it was intentional. Then they get the italian guy to talk like Dracula for some dumbfuck reason. and his friend talks as if he has a lisp with peanut butter in his mouth. They all "witness" this kid has blood in her veins which is pretty fucking obvious by the blood in her cheeks.
Then the movie ends with a big meeting in Vancouver somewhere, and the peewee herman pedophile wants more of that kid (for later one can only assume) so he brings her over, and she is like bitch you can't read my mind Imma touch your face. And all the sudden he is just fine with it. Then the movie could've ended, but because they didn't want people like me who were dragged there to leave empty handed they bring in hot ass ashley greene to be all hot and shit. Then they initiate an imaginary battle, where it is basically Mortal Kombat fatalities everywhere, it goes back and everyone just leaves. But not before they bring in the most racist part of the movie, an aboriginal dude dressed in nothing but feathers, beads and a loincloth. Ends on a montage. End of the fucking movie
Alright to the review, first of all, these movies are the absolute worst, vampire movies are more overdone than Zombie shits. So, they overcompensate the awkward acting by bringing in people with no backstory, or any plot behind them besides the fact they are bodies for the last scene. Nothing about this movie really makes any sense, they have superpowers as well as being vampires. The scenes where they run look incredibly poor. And for some reason, they drive a god damn volvo instead of running places? Why?
How do they get away with this crap, it is almost criminal, embarrassing is what it is.
I wish I could make this more comedic, but me writing a blogpost won't even begin to tell you how laughable the attempt at cinema is. Good riddance to this series,
Regards,
Devon
Let me preface all of this by saying I had zero expectations going in, and it surpassed those expectations in the wrong direction. So after the kid pretends to contribute to anything, the big clown looking dude starts talking to whom I am told is his father. I call him the metro walking H and M guy. Then they do a hilarious comedy bit where bella starts breaking boulders like donkey kong. Which I lost it at that part. It was the equivalent of watching gallagher but like awkward, skinny and gross. So they get passed that shit and then some weird shit isn't explained at all then all of the sudden this Peewee Herman look a like comes in. Starts babbling doing perv faces the whole time. I'm sitting there confused as balls. Then I'm like woo! Maggie Grace, I'M NOT EVEN SURE SHE HAD DIALOGUE. So then she sees which if I saw this I would freak the fuck out to. But, that....kid who has now aged 10 years in 2 days. Jump for a fucking snowflake Space Jam style. So she goes back to peewee herman in the movie theatre he is in. He starts teleporting, I am sitting there like WTF mate. So then they try to force a very stupid and poorly constructed plotline after that. Which until that, there was none. Just a bunch of vampires circle jerking about how Kirsten Stewart has probably banged everyone on that set, at different times... Or the same time
So after the peewee herman finishes in his chamber he decides to bring in the first bout of racism. "the blackrobes" are a group of, thuggish type people in... Blackrobes. Fuck, stephanie Meyer should write more. She seems to be worth every penny. So these blackrobes are pissed, and have no brains so they go out like zombies to hunt these people. Then Bella or whats her tits gets a message which really doesn't translate to shit. it should say "people coming, go now." So, then they get taylor lautner to try to seduce her father or some shit by undressing and turning into a wolf.
Then something completely random happens, and they say they think she is Immortal, and they need proof by getting hear say from the rest of the fucking freaky vampires. Then with no backstory all of these vampires from india, and the racism part 2 amazon show up, and have super powers? what in the fuck is going on. Then they jerk off over their powers for about 20 minutes. And all of this time they don't fucking eat taylor lautner, that guy got his moneys worth, he is as talentless as Donald Trump. So continuing on, they start making o faces around this time at random scenes. Not sure if it was intentional. Then they get the italian guy to talk like Dracula for some dumbfuck reason. and his friend talks as if he has a lisp with peanut butter in his mouth. They all "witness" this kid has blood in her veins which is pretty fucking obvious by the blood in her cheeks.
Then the movie ends with a big meeting in Vancouver somewhere, and the peewee herman pedophile wants more of that kid (for later one can only assume) so he brings her over, and she is like bitch you can't read my mind Imma touch your face. And all the sudden he is just fine with it. Then the movie could've ended, but because they didn't want people like me who were dragged there to leave empty handed they bring in hot ass ashley greene to be all hot and shit. Then they initiate an imaginary battle, where it is basically Mortal Kombat fatalities everywhere, it goes back and everyone just leaves. But not before they bring in the most racist part of the movie, an aboriginal dude dressed in nothing but feathers, beads and a loincloth. Ends on a montage. End of the fucking movie
Alright to the review, first of all, these movies are the absolute worst, vampire movies are more overdone than Zombie shits. So, they overcompensate the awkward acting by bringing in people with no backstory, or any plot behind them besides the fact they are bodies for the last scene. Nothing about this movie really makes any sense, they have superpowers as well as being vampires. The scenes where they run look incredibly poor. And for some reason, they drive a god damn volvo instead of running places? Why?
How do they get away with this crap, it is almost criminal, embarrassing is what it is.
I wish I could make this more comedic, but me writing a blogpost won't even begin to tell you how laughable the attempt at cinema is. Good riddance to this series,
Regards,
Devon
Monday, November 19, 2012
The NHL and NHLPA: Apathy, agony, and annoying
3.03 Billion dollars, give or take a few thousand is what stands in the way of an nhl season. Between a couple hundred people who were not told by their parents how to share, or educated on logic and understanding. As a Canadian, I feel the need to have hockey every winter to help winter be more pleasant. It has been robbed from me and the other 33 million people in Canada. Even the babies being born right now.
Whether it is the NHL calling the players Cattle, NHLPA calling out bettman, the players name calling. It is not what is important. It has become personal, almost to a surreal level. "You won't give us that, well we don't want to bother." NHL responds "Okay, we should take a break and cool off" NHLPa " Haha, yeah that's what we need, is a break."
You know something NHL and NHLPA, you do need a break. You do need time off to give your god damn head a shake. Players are going to lose full salary. Which who gives a shit, they will find it elsewhere. Owners, have other shit to do, they may own multiple businesses or be dealing with personal matters. They don't lose a whole lot, that's why they are there. They own the company. The only people who lose from these childish antics are the fans and the employees of the various arenas, and merchandise stands. Fans lose on a grand scale, as they have nothing to watch, nothing to talk about, no rumors to watch, no thoughts and wishes about their team.
Those beer vendors who buy the beers by the tray just hoping to make 30 bucks on a tray lose, those seat checkers and security guards in the stands lose out. Rexall and arenas around North America (apart from NBA cities) lose out huge, as nothing big is going to happen.
A team like Winnipeg comes back to a city that was desperate for hockey since the Jets left, only to lay dormant as well. Fans have become a doormat, none of the players truly care about the fans. The owners know the big hockey markets will keep their fans so why should they care. Bettman is always hated, so why would this change anything.
You know what changes, players who didn't save shit are coming to the harsh realization how bad a work stoppage is. Those players aren't heard from. Because, the NHLPA takes the biggest, iconic players to the meeting. They might throw in a Westgarth just for fun. But, the only opinion the NHLPA has broadcasted wholeheartedly is Sidney Crosby. Why though? he has sponsors that are paying him well into retirement. It is not necessary to focus on him. Talk to the players who love the game, the players who know nothing but the game. Change your crew away from these stubborn greedy players and let it be. The only regular player who has been there with any economic knowledge is Mat Darche. Nobody else knows their ass from a hole in the ground, They go in there read the paper (maybe) pick out one thing, throw out the rest. Learn to cooperate and negotiate you Neanderthals. It is just downright annoying at this point that you have inexperienced greedy players unwilling to give one thing to the owners and take something in return. The owners came down to 50/50. Which was the biggest stipulation. Really, all you have to attack is the contract issues. Which if you sat down and actually had a back and forth instead of submitting an offer without talking to the other side, you may get somewhere.
One more thing against the players, Social Media and Networking is the dumbest thing you can do right now. You are not helping anyone by spewing how much you hate bettman, or your own owners who have locked you out.complaining about how you will not make your 3 million this year because of it. I got news for you, people are in worse shape. Those people also know how to share, have compassion, and cooperate in every day life. Something that was never taught in between your years of hockey playing.
Surgeries, flights, doctors, meals, hotels are looked after for you, as if you just have to go out and play the game you supposedly "love". Players keep you warm, paid, clean, dressed, and give you money TO GO OUT AND PLAY THE GAME YOU LOVE. They don't pay you to sit in a conference room and bash everything that is printed on an 8 by 10. Give me a break, stay playing hockey elsewhere then. I cannot go to my boss and demand 50% of whatever is in his pocket. Give your head a shake, they come down to 50/50 and you are too high on your horse to accept it over 22 games. Jesus Christ, you don't play 22 games you won't get paid for 22 games. If I don't work 10 hours in a week I can't go demand them. The world does not work like that.
Jobs, lives, money, and shelter for those who rely on a healthy persistent NHL season have hit the showers because the NHL and NHLPA cannot negotiate civilly.
So, NHL, NHLPA, Owners, Bettman, Daly, Fehr, Players. Fans of the game of hockey are no longer angry that you can't sort any of this out. We are embarrassed that you can't sort it out. We feel sorry that money is the most important thing in the world. Apathy doesn't even begin to describe it.
I'm sorry that the NHL has turned into the most greedy league in sports in over a century. This has become ridiculous, and really I don't care if you come back this year.
The game I love is getting torn in half by children, and children who have no ability to rationalize at that.
Best Regards,
Devon
Whether it is the NHL calling the players Cattle, NHLPA calling out bettman, the players name calling. It is not what is important. It has become personal, almost to a surreal level. "You won't give us that, well we don't want to bother." NHL responds "Okay, we should take a break and cool off" NHLPa " Haha, yeah that's what we need, is a break."
You know something NHL and NHLPA, you do need a break. You do need time off to give your god damn head a shake. Players are going to lose full salary. Which who gives a shit, they will find it elsewhere. Owners, have other shit to do, they may own multiple businesses or be dealing with personal matters. They don't lose a whole lot, that's why they are there. They own the company. The only people who lose from these childish antics are the fans and the employees of the various arenas, and merchandise stands. Fans lose on a grand scale, as they have nothing to watch, nothing to talk about, no rumors to watch, no thoughts and wishes about their team.
Those beer vendors who buy the beers by the tray just hoping to make 30 bucks on a tray lose, those seat checkers and security guards in the stands lose out. Rexall and arenas around North America (apart from NBA cities) lose out huge, as nothing big is going to happen.
A team like Winnipeg comes back to a city that was desperate for hockey since the Jets left, only to lay dormant as well. Fans have become a doormat, none of the players truly care about the fans. The owners know the big hockey markets will keep their fans so why should they care. Bettman is always hated, so why would this change anything.
You know what changes, players who didn't save shit are coming to the harsh realization how bad a work stoppage is. Those players aren't heard from. Because, the NHLPA takes the biggest, iconic players to the meeting. They might throw in a Westgarth just for fun. But, the only opinion the NHLPA has broadcasted wholeheartedly is Sidney Crosby. Why though? he has sponsors that are paying him well into retirement. It is not necessary to focus on him. Talk to the players who love the game, the players who know nothing but the game. Change your crew away from these stubborn greedy players and let it be. The only regular player who has been there with any economic knowledge is Mat Darche. Nobody else knows their ass from a hole in the ground, They go in there read the paper (maybe) pick out one thing, throw out the rest. Learn to cooperate and negotiate you Neanderthals. It is just downright annoying at this point that you have inexperienced greedy players unwilling to give one thing to the owners and take something in return. The owners came down to 50/50. Which was the biggest stipulation. Really, all you have to attack is the contract issues. Which if you sat down and actually had a back and forth instead of submitting an offer without talking to the other side, you may get somewhere.
One more thing against the players, Social Media and Networking is the dumbest thing you can do right now. You are not helping anyone by spewing how much you hate bettman, or your own owners who have locked you out.complaining about how you will not make your 3 million this year because of it. I got news for you, people are in worse shape. Those people also know how to share, have compassion, and cooperate in every day life. Something that was never taught in between your years of hockey playing.
Surgeries, flights, doctors, meals, hotels are looked after for you, as if you just have to go out and play the game you supposedly "love". Players keep you warm, paid, clean, dressed, and give you money TO GO OUT AND PLAY THE GAME YOU LOVE. They don't pay you to sit in a conference room and bash everything that is printed on an 8 by 10. Give me a break, stay playing hockey elsewhere then. I cannot go to my boss and demand 50% of whatever is in his pocket. Give your head a shake, they come down to 50/50 and you are too high on your horse to accept it over 22 games. Jesus Christ, you don't play 22 games you won't get paid for 22 games. If I don't work 10 hours in a week I can't go demand them. The world does not work like that.
Jobs, lives, money, and shelter for those who rely on a healthy persistent NHL season have hit the showers because the NHL and NHLPA cannot negotiate civilly.
So, NHL, NHLPA, Owners, Bettman, Daly, Fehr, Players. Fans of the game of hockey are no longer angry that you can't sort any of this out. We are embarrassed that you can't sort it out. We feel sorry that money is the most important thing in the world. Apathy doesn't even begin to describe it.
I'm sorry that the NHL has turned into the most greedy league in sports in over a century. This has become ridiculous, and really I don't care if you come back this year.
The game I love is getting torn in half by children, and children who have no ability to rationalize at that.
Best Regards,
Devon
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Recently opened up about my 'disability' (BLCLaP)
Disability - lack of adequate power, strength, or physical or mental ability.
Deformity - A deformed part, esp. of the body; a malformation
Well, besides the fact I've recently started spelling palate right, everything seems fine with me. This deformity that plagued me through school is nothing but my badge of courage. Without it, I'd have thin skin.
I was born with Bilateral Cleft Lip and Palate. According to wikipedia 1 in 700 kids are born with either
Cleft lip (cheiloschisis) and cleft palate (palatoschisis)
I was born with both (Bilateral Clef Lip and Palate), although I was born with both it is considered moderate-severe and not "severe". My top two front teeth are sideways as a result, and have taken about 10 years to try to get them to function as teeth again. I've had multiple surgeries on my ears to stop the risk of going deaf. Thank the lord such a thing as tubes exist. I've had throat surgery, skin grafts, and bone grafts. I've had 3-4 surgeries on my upper lip at a very young age. (2 months-2 years). My mother was there through it all, I was unable to cry or I would rip the stitching. I was unable to suck my thumb or I would hit my septum and sinuses. My mom was my hero, and still is.
I had surgery to pin up fallen ears and one fell again. Leading to the frodo/elf name calling. Those children in middle school also said I looked like a goblin. There is that. I've been told I'm too ugly to date.
I've had bone taken from both hips giving me some pretty bad pain in both. I've had what I am assuming a very botched leg surgery which leads to pain in my left leg. and continuous pain in my right leg.
This is who I am, a person who has endured at least 17+ surgeries, who has realized life is too short and people can be out of your life in a second. A person who hugs and kisses the ones he loves whenever he leaves them for even an hour because I don't know if I will be back alive or they will be back alive. I try to never say bye, instead I say see you later.
Life is nothing to gamble with or take for granted. I've always looked at my deformity/disability as bad luck. Over the past year my view has changed much to the good luck side.
I would not be who I am today, in strength, in intelligence without it. I would not have the honest and sincere tone with the people I love. I wouldn't have learned to appreciate the moments on earth. I would not have thick skin or learn to let things roll off of my back. Learned that things get better.
I've let go much of my reserved anger and frustration tied into my own birth defect, and all the bullshit that people tried to stir up with it.
http://www.craniofacial.net/cleft-lip-bilateral Here is more information, not the best information but better than wikipedia.
I appreciate everyone who has cared deeply about me. The people who have been there through everyone of them. My Hermano, Uncle, my Step father Ravid and especially my mom.
Thank you for taking the time to read about me
Regards, Devon
Deformity - A deformed part, esp. of the body; a malformation
Well, besides the fact I've recently started spelling palate right, everything seems fine with me. This deformity that plagued me through school is nothing but my badge of courage. Without it, I'd have thin skin.
I was born with Bilateral Cleft Lip and Palate. According to wikipedia 1 in 700 kids are born with either
Cleft lip (cheiloschisis) and cleft palate (palatoschisis)
I was born with both (Bilateral Clef Lip and Palate), although I was born with both it is considered moderate-severe and not "severe". My top two front teeth are sideways as a result, and have taken about 10 years to try to get them to function as teeth again. I've had multiple surgeries on my ears to stop the risk of going deaf. Thank the lord such a thing as tubes exist. I've had throat surgery, skin grafts, and bone grafts. I've had 3-4 surgeries on my upper lip at a very young age. (2 months-2 years). My mother was there through it all, I was unable to cry or I would rip the stitching. I was unable to suck my thumb or I would hit my septum and sinuses. My mom was my hero, and still is.
I had surgery to pin up fallen ears and one fell again. Leading to the frodo/elf name calling. Those children in middle school also said I looked like a goblin. There is that. I've been told I'm too ugly to date.
I've had bone taken from both hips giving me some pretty bad pain in both. I've had what I am assuming a very botched leg surgery which leads to pain in my left leg. and continuous pain in my right leg.
This is who I am, a person who has endured at least 17+ surgeries, who has realized life is too short and people can be out of your life in a second. A person who hugs and kisses the ones he loves whenever he leaves them for even an hour because I don't know if I will be back alive or they will be back alive. I try to never say bye, instead I say see you later.
Life is nothing to gamble with or take for granted. I've always looked at my deformity/disability as bad luck. Over the past year my view has changed much to the good luck side.
I would not be who I am today, in strength, in intelligence without it. I would not have the honest and sincere tone with the people I love. I wouldn't have learned to appreciate the moments on earth. I would not have thick skin or learn to let things roll off of my back. Learned that things get better.
I've let go much of my reserved anger and frustration tied into my own birth defect, and all the bullshit that people tried to stir up with it.
http://www.craniofacial.net/cleft-lip-bilateral Here is more information, not the best information but better than wikipedia.
I appreciate everyone who has cared deeply about me. The people who have been there through everyone of them. My Hermano, Uncle, my Step father Ravid and especially my mom.
Thank you for taking the time to read about me
Regards, Devon
Conversations in Post-Secondary, update on me.
Shoveled 3 times, snow blows. Ba dum tsch.
Anyways, I've been doing well in school, at the cost of my health. Rest of me is beginning to quit itself. My hips don't lie, and just got up and said fuck you. You will be in pain for a bit. Back hurts. Ulcer is getting mashed from anxiety issues. But, again things could be worse.
Experiencing the best grades I have had in awhile. Quite proud of myself, no idea how proud anyone else is of my efforts. Here is part of why I wrote this, I go out there and write my exams for me now. No worrying about what other people are doing, when they study, how they study, when they jerk off. I am focused more than ever but my body is breaking all momentum built up. I had hit a spell of severe anxiety.
I'm coming out of it unscathed or not worried about my mental health. A rather easy path out of the spell, Which is rare. This is down in the dumps time for many students, depressing around there. It is hard for me to enter the building because everyone is talking about exams and grades, or is depressed about exams and grades.. Who gives a fuck, it irritates me to no end that people cannot have a conversation without knowing every human's Major/Minor. Get to know something about the human being. If anything changes more often than a human being it is how often they change their major or minor.
It is beyond frustrating when people ask me how my grades are, what I thought of that exam, when I am studying. I am studying when the space aliens come to earth, I thought the exam should've had more dongs in the questions and I got a picture of an elephant as a god damned grade.
Decided to take this week off as a precautionary from burnout. So far, so good. I've recouped, and hopefully will refocus soon.
Regards,
Devon
Anyways, I've been doing well in school, at the cost of my health. Rest of me is beginning to quit itself. My hips don't lie, and just got up and said fuck you. You will be in pain for a bit. Back hurts. Ulcer is getting mashed from anxiety issues. But, again things could be worse.
Experiencing the best grades I have had in awhile. Quite proud of myself, no idea how proud anyone else is of my efforts. Here is part of why I wrote this, I go out there and write my exams for me now. No worrying about what other people are doing, when they study, how they study, when they jerk off. I am focused more than ever but my body is breaking all momentum built up. I had hit a spell of severe anxiety.
I'm coming out of it unscathed or not worried about my mental health. A rather easy path out of the spell, Which is rare. This is down in the dumps time for many students, depressing around there. It is hard for me to enter the building because everyone is talking about exams and grades, or is depressed about exams and grades.. Who gives a fuck, it irritates me to no end that people cannot have a conversation without knowing every human's Major/Minor. Get to know something about the human being. If anything changes more often than a human being it is how often they change their major or minor.
It is beyond frustrating when people ask me how my grades are, what I thought of that exam, when I am studying. I am studying when the space aliens come to earth, I thought the exam should've had more dongs in the questions and I got a picture of an elephant as a god damned grade.
Decided to take this week off as a precautionary from burnout. So far, so good. I've recouped, and hopefully will refocus soon.
Regards,
Devon
Friday, October 26, 2012
Felicia Garcia the victim of the system.
In New York a 15 year old girl in the foster care system committed suicide by jumping in front of a train. It is not getting a whole lot of attention from anyone for 2 reasons. She is a minority and she was in foster care.
Just like Amanda Todd, this girl had no one to turn to, or confide it. Because you may know foster parents (or parents for that matter) and have no idea what they are like behind closed doors.
For lack of a better term she was involved in a gangbang with the football team, how disgusting that may sound. And how much she had maybe "done it to herself" why didn't she talk to someone. Why didn't she confide in a school official or go to a psychologist. Yes she had a terrible lapse in judgement, and hormones got the better of her but she should not get ridiculed to the point where they practically force her to jump in front of a train.
http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/edmonton/Bullied+York+teen+commits+suicide+jumping+front+Staten/7449210/story.html Here is the article
https://twitter.com/feliciagarcia97?tw_i=260578979667402752&tw_e=screenname&tw_p=tweetembed Here is the eerie twitter that you can follow all the way down, see she was troubled. See she was not happy and was clearly bullied far before the sexual altercation.
One of the quotes from her that I think resembles a lot of angst for most people is "just because I am smiling, doesn't mean I am happy". It is just that, she was probably happy on the outside, hid from it. Held a lot of pressure against herself because she felt as if no one cared.
People care, the people she associated with didn't. As far as I know, no one on that football team was punished or issued an apology. No parents contacted, or the foster parents contacted. It is tragic. It is becoming the thing to do. Don't see a way out, don't see a light just end it. I've been there it is not pleasant.
Bullying actions in school are never reprimanded as they should be. They think it is really funny to mess with a persons psyche. They should be expelled from that school to mess with their psyche. Nothing is done to these people. From first hand experience to what is actually put out there on the news.
Again, talk to people, stick up for people. Save some lives and encourage some hope.
When will the bullying stop? When will someone feel the need to make it stop?
I sincerely hope it is soon, and I sincerely hope the hammer is dropped hard on those football players and the people who tormented Amanda Todd. As nothing as happened yet in that case either.
RIP Felicia Garcia
Regards,
Devon
Just like Amanda Todd, this girl had no one to turn to, or confide it. Because you may know foster parents (or parents for that matter) and have no idea what they are like behind closed doors.
For lack of a better term she was involved in a gangbang with the football team, how disgusting that may sound. And how much she had maybe "done it to herself" why didn't she talk to someone. Why didn't she confide in a school official or go to a psychologist. Yes she had a terrible lapse in judgement, and hormones got the better of her but she should not get ridiculed to the point where they practically force her to jump in front of a train.
http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/edmonton/Bullied+York+teen+commits+suicide+jumping+front+Staten/7449210/story.html Here is the article
https://twitter.com/feliciagarcia97?tw_i=260578979667402752&tw_e=screenname&tw_p=tweetembed Here is the eerie twitter that you can follow all the way down, see she was troubled. See she was not happy and was clearly bullied far before the sexual altercation.
One of the quotes from her that I think resembles a lot of angst for most people is "just because I am smiling, doesn't mean I am happy". It is just that, she was probably happy on the outside, hid from it. Held a lot of pressure against herself because she felt as if no one cared.
People care, the people she associated with didn't. As far as I know, no one on that football team was punished or issued an apology. No parents contacted, or the foster parents contacted. It is tragic. It is becoming the thing to do. Don't see a way out, don't see a light just end it. I've been there it is not pleasant.
Bullying actions in school are never reprimanded as they should be. They think it is really funny to mess with a persons psyche. They should be expelled from that school to mess with their psyche. Nothing is done to these people. From first hand experience to what is actually put out there on the news.
Again, talk to people, stick up for people. Save some lives and encourage some hope.
When will the bullying stop? When will someone feel the need to make it stop?
I sincerely hope it is soon, and I sincerely hope the hammer is dropped hard on those football players and the people who tormented Amanda Todd. As nothing as happened yet in that case either.
RIP Felicia Garcia
Regards,
Devon
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
(untitled)
Woke up monday last week feeling like a million bucks, got over my cold and was feeling energized and fresh to death.
Woke up tuesday and felt like death. Over the past 6 days I have suffered through what are the early stages of Mononucleosis, along with that strep throat. I haven't received a call about my blood test so I guess it is 75% certain I don't have mono. Still dealing with strep and the inability to eat a lot. No appetite and energy to do a whole not. I feel like I am lying to myself when I say I don't have the energy to study. I really don't though. I tried, I am helpless, no energy and I don't retain. Studied a bit today, retained none of it. I wish I had the capability still. It is causing much anxiety to my day, my nights. Can't sleep most nights until 3 or 4. I don't plan it, the anxiety and panicky mood just eats at me. It is beginning to eat me alive and affect the mood of those around me.
I was doing so well, was getting some of the best grades and compliments for doing well. I was ecstatic about this year. Now this year represents doom and gloom, anxiety is slowly turning into me being depressed. I want to sleep and wake up and it all be better, the harshness of life is. I am just 8 hours closer to my next midterm and essay. I am playing video games to ease my anxiety, and to just let my body veg out. It is only making me feel more on edge.
I am being a whiny bitch, "that kid is sick, like I've never been sick whilst in school." That's fair, I've never walked a mile in your shoes, you have never walked a mile in my shoes that point outwards when I walk and cause a lot of knee pain, which is only getting worse. My TMJ disorder is at levels never heard of before. Woke up 4 times with a migraine last week. Which is a sign it needs to be dealt with immediately.
I've always said never put school above your health, at this point in my life I have not taken my own advice and it is seriously affecting my day to day interaction and general well being. I am down in the dumps. I can't take my own advice now, that's 2300 dollar debt on me and disappointment to those around me. It would be considered 'giving up' because I got sick for a week. But this is eating me alive, waking up in pain and angst everyday.
Whoever reads this thank you, I appreciate everything. You people represent who I am, who I have helped and made laugh.
Goodnight
Much Love to all,
Regards,
D
Woke up tuesday and felt like death. Over the past 6 days I have suffered through what are the early stages of Mononucleosis, along with that strep throat. I haven't received a call about my blood test so I guess it is 75% certain I don't have mono. Still dealing with strep and the inability to eat a lot. No appetite and energy to do a whole not. I feel like I am lying to myself when I say I don't have the energy to study. I really don't though. I tried, I am helpless, no energy and I don't retain. Studied a bit today, retained none of it. I wish I had the capability still. It is causing much anxiety to my day, my nights. Can't sleep most nights until 3 or 4. I don't plan it, the anxiety and panicky mood just eats at me. It is beginning to eat me alive and affect the mood of those around me.
I was doing so well, was getting some of the best grades and compliments for doing well. I was ecstatic about this year. Now this year represents doom and gloom, anxiety is slowly turning into me being depressed. I want to sleep and wake up and it all be better, the harshness of life is. I am just 8 hours closer to my next midterm and essay. I am playing video games to ease my anxiety, and to just let my body veg out. It is only making me feel more on edge.
I am being a whiny bitch, "that kid is sick, like I've never been sick whilst in school." That's fair, I've never walked a mile in your shoes, you have never walked a mile in my shoes that point outwards when I walk and cause a lot of knee pain, which is only getting worse. My TMJ disorder is at levels never heard of before. Woke up 4 times with a migraine last week. Which is a sign it needs to be dealt with immediately.
I've always said never put school above your health, at this point in my life I have not taken my own advice and it is seriously affecting my day to day interaction and general well being. I am down in the dumps. I can't take my own advice now, that's 2300 dollar debt on me and disappointment to those around me. It would be considered 'giving up' because I got sick for a week. But this is eating me alive, waking up in pain and angst everyday.
Whoever reads this thank you, I appreciate everything. You people represent who I am, who I have helped and made laugh.
Goodnight
Much Love to all,
Regards,
D
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Amanda Todd part 2
As I am bed-ridden with what appears to be
Streptococcal pharyngitis.
I figured it is time to do a follow-up
I have been following the rest of her story quite closely, a soul who was never taught the dangers of the internet. The internet ate her alive for one momentary lapse of judgement.
Would like to thank Anonymous for broadcasting and finding out who the sick perverted man distributing the pictures. As well as any asshats deciding to make bleach joke pictures.
My biggest issue lies in the fact that the RCMP is being told whom it was, the man runs multiple underage cameras. Even worse he is currently battling a court case for exposing a 16 year old. But they are hesitant to use this information, and the interrogation appeared to have worked in favour of the creepy old man. As he left the court room he was interviewed. It wasn't him it was a person he knows, who goes by Viper. Which is interesting because couldn't that be his internet handle?
He's fighting the case for the 16 year old, and you can damn well bet he has child pornography somewhere on his personal computers. He has distributed in the past and didn't exactly deny that.
My question lies in the interview itself... If he has distributed child pornography why aren't you arresting him for that alone and launch the investigation while in police custody. Instead of letting him walk without a sex offender tag and the ability to possibly leave the country. Enough is enough with these sick sons of bitches. The internet is a very fickle thing. You bark up the wrong tree and you aren't going to like the result. Internet safety is something that has never been addressed. Because, having documented proof of everyone on the internet is an invasion of privacy. I'd rather that, than children being abducted, raped, photographed, and distributed or even sold. I'd rather they have a list of everyone's computer so hate crime and homophobia can be dealt with. It starts with the internet, something too powerful for capable people.
Amanda Todd is gone now, unfortunately, and yes people saying there is people in worse situations are somewhat true. Her case represents something so much bigger than 1 lost life to suicide. It speaks to the internet community and how we function individually and collectively. It should be used as a teaching tool in schools everywhere. There are girls being abducted from chat room use and just meeting through facebook.
Where does it all stop? My generation enjoys the internet, but I remember time before the internet, 'don't talk to strangers' no matter what they say about your family or bribes'. That no longer resonates through the Information Super Highway. In fact, People enjoy flirting with danger for the anonymity. It isn't worth it, for anyone. As we lost a kind soul, and there is going to be more to follow if online predators are not dealt with.
Internet safety is a must for your children.
Regards,
Devon.
I suck at formatting.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
I'm an asshole
Asshole
Here is an insult towards, me. I am on facebook for 2 things, to creep and to keep in contact with people worth keeping in contact with. The sheer brilliance of an insult to hit me with something about facebook is staggering. How does one even come back? You got me, on a public forum trying to mess around. I don't quite understand why people bitch about other people on Facebook and do the same thing 3 hours later, the god damned site is toxic.
I am an asshole, you know why? There are ungrateful people who roam this Earth, with no sense of self-worth no concept of how other people live their lives.
Minding my own business on a public forum that you post nonsensical power to the people horse manure is, well hilarious. I wish that people understood the concept of public forum. You post it for all to look at and comment or come back. Just as I write these someone can comment whatever the hell they want, would I care or think less of you? Probably not, but I certainly wouldn't try to degrade you to the lowest form of internet stupidity.
It is not hard to understand how these things work, you create an account, add people you could not give a shit about. Laugh at their stupid statuses, tell people what other people said on facebook and leave it at that. Life was a lot simpler before social networking. I miss that, social networking brings in bullying, and immaturity to levels not seen before.
Why bother even saying anything back to you calling me some arbitrary name when we have spoken all of 5 times in my life? Give me a god damned break with that unbelievable, inconceivable, amalgamation of a sentence you tried to hurl at me. I'm not on this Earth to please people who do jack shit. It becomes redundant that people on any social media platform expect some kind of respect because you are within the same website.
There are people in my life I care about, that I would do anything for. That I would talk to at any moment at the drop of a hat. Then there are people on there who amuse me.
Regards,
Devon
Here is an insult towards, me. I am on facebook for 2 things, to creep and to keep in contact with people worth keeping in contact with. The sheer brilliance of an insult to hit me with something about facebook is staggering. How does one even come back? You got me, on a public forum trying to mess around. I don't quite understand why people bitch about other people on Facebook and do the same thing 3 hours later, the god damned site is toxic.
I am an asshole, you know why? There are ungrateful people who roam this Earth, with no sense of self-worth no concept of how other people live their lives.
Minding my own business on a public forum that you post nonsensical power to the people horse manure is, well hilarious. I wish that people understood the concept of public forum. You post it for all to look at and comment or come back. Just as I write these someone can comment whatever the hell they want, would I care or think less of you? Probably not, but I certainly wouldn't try to degrade you to the lowest form of internet stupidity.
It is not hard to understand how these things work, you create an account, add people you could not give a shit about. Laugh at their stupid statuses, tell people what other people said on facebook and leave it at that. Life was a lot simpler before social networking. I miss that, social networking brings in bullying, and immaturity to levels not seen before.
Why bother even saying anything back to you calling me some arbitrary name when we have spoken all of 5 times in my life? Give me a god damned break with that unbelievable, inconceivable, amalgamation of a sentence you tried to hurl at me. I'm not on this Earth to please people who do jack shit. It becomes redundant that people on any social media platform expect some kind of respect because you are within the same website.
There are people in my life I care about, that I would do anything for. That I would talk to at any moment at the drop of a hat. Then there are people on there who amuse me.
Regards,
Devon
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Amanda Todd, bullying needs to stop
Well, I've been putting this one off for quite some time.
You may have or may have not heard the story and wondered if I was going to write on it. As it connects close to home.
That is the thing, it way too close to home.
First things first. 2 questions.
Why wasn't a name change request put forward for her?
Why wasn't the authorities called?
Alas, those are what ifs. What did happen was we lost a kind soul. A soul who was willing to help almost anyone. Which in turn got her in far too much trouble. Into the wrong chat room, one lapse in judgement equaled 3 years of shitstorm rained upon her. Why a 12 year old is flashing anyone is beyond me. I wish no harm on people, no blackmail or extortion. We witnessed the harsh realities of the world on such a young person. A person ill-equipped for the role she was handed.
I sincerely wish it opened some eyes of the cyber bullies out there. I somewhat supported CISPA for this simple reason. To save lives. Save anxiety and depression for people trying to get some Yucks on a Friday night. None of it was needed, none of the savage beating or her showing her boobs to begin with. Bullies project their own insecurities on those around them Jealousy and the hunger for fame/infamy got the better of everyone involved.
It is instances like these that stop me in my life, wherever I am and realize how trivial what you are doing is in the end. Or if that anxiety is something you should be feeling. She ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
She didn't say a damned thing to no one. Which is what really hurts. Everyone got their share attacking her, she had no one to turn to (with separated parents). She had no one, she openly admits it in her video. Not a single person supported her, talked to her, cared enough to glance at her unless throwing a fist at her. Enough is enough people, bullying needs to end.
I urge you to talk to anyone who looks/feels down. Save a damn life from the horrors of depression, caused from depression or otherwise.
200,000 2 million or 2 billion users can be behind/with her now. But, it is too little too late. This is where you hug your loved ones extra tight. You don't know how they feel, or they know how you feel.
I'm sorry Amanda Todd, I wish things were different for you.
Rest In Peace, no more bullies can get to you.
Regards,
Devon
You may have or may have not heard the story and wondered if I was going to write on it. As it connects close to home.
That is the thing, it way too close to home.
First things first. 2 questions.
Why wasn't a name change request put forward for her?
Why wasn't the authorities called?
Alas, those are what ifs. What did happen was we lost a kind soul. A soul who was willing to help almost anyone. Which in turn got her in far too much trouble. Into the wrong chat room, one lapse in judgement equaled 3 years of shitstorm rained upon her. Why a 12 year old is flashing anyone is beyond me. I wish no harm on people, no blackmail or extortion. We witnessed the harsh realities of the world on such a young person. A person ill-equipped for the role she was handed.
I sincerely wish it opened some eyes of the cyber bullies out there. I somewhat supported CISPA for this simple reason. To save lives. Save anxiety and depression for people trying to get some Yucks on a Friday night. None of it was needed, none of the savage beating or her showing her boobs to begin with. Bullies project their own insecurities on those around them Jealousy and the hunger for fame/infamy got the better of everyone involved.
It is instances like these that stop me in my life, wherever I am and realize how trivial what you are doing is in the end. Or if that anxiety is something you should be feeling. She ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
She didn't say a damned thing to no one. Which is what really hurts. Everyone got their share attacking her, she had no one to turn to (with separated parents). She had no one, she openly admits it in her video. Not a single person supported her, talked to her, cared enough to glance at her unless throwing a fist at her. Enough is enough people, bullying needs to end.
I urge you to talk to anyone who looks/feels down. Save a damn life from the horrors of depression, caused from depression or otherwise.
200,000 2 million or 2 billion users can be behind/with her now. But, it is too little too late. This is where you hug your loved ones extra tight. You don't know how they feel, or they know how you feel.
I'm sorry Amanda Todd, I wish things were different for you.
Rest In Peace, no more bullies can get to you.
Regards,
Devon
Friday, October 12, 2012
Alright, Beliebers you took it too far
As I have written before, Rick Rypien has had a huge affect on the decision to talk about my anxiety.
Well, Justin (shitface) Bieber toured Canada recently, I think? Who cares,
Anyways a bunch of morons, one being named Simram Mann, or wolfram alpha or some shit.
Decided "OmG, I'm at biebs, I want his half hard, bald penis inside of me, while he high pitch squeals his way to an orgasm." All the while singing " I don't want a baby, baby, baby, nooo."
Anyways this sigfried ralpha decided it was time to make her name known and tell everyone in Vancouver she was at Rogers arena to see him. So, she took a permanent marker and wrote her name, the date of whatever shitshow was about to happen. And what I can only assume is her number a bunch of hearts and a picture of her 12 year old face for Justin Bieber to make Paper Mache out of. (if he can produce semen from his ovaries).
What ramjam didn't know is that, the wall she had wrote her forgettable, and regrettable message on was the Rick Rypien memorial wall. Filled will hockey fans messages of love and appreciation for what he did for hockey and depression depression sufferers.
Simbanam has since received death threats and removed her twitter and hopefully changed her name, because I am running out of phony names that sound similar.
What would possess a human being, at any facet to go to a Bieball's concert and to write about it anyways. Go there, realize wow that machine really helps his voice change and move on.
Stigman ram barked up the wrong tree. That is too personal for many Canadians. I sincerely hope one crazy person doesn't kill her or something. But, I do hope that taught her, and her beliebing friends a lesson in not being a fucking moron.
Thanks, rammamsinsamsnam, for defacing something that meant so much to me, and everyone else in Canada.
Some of the responsibility lies on Justin Bieber to issue an apology for the people who aren't his fans. The people who coexist with the puke, he should have to apologize on behalf of both of them.
I will enjoy every minute of the day that Bieber becomes non-relevant.
Article here http://www.torontosun.com/2012/10/11/justin-bieber-fans-deface-rick-rypien-memorial
Regards, Devon
Well, Justin (shitface) Bieber toured Canada recently, I think? Who cares,
Anyways a bunch of morons, one being named Simram Mann, or wolfram alpha or some shit.
Decided "OmG, I'm at biebs, I want his half hard, bald penis inside of me, while he high pitch squeals his way to an orgasm." All the while singing " I don't want a baby, baby, baby, nooo."
Anyways this sigfried ralpha decided it was time to make her name known and tell everyone in Vancouver she was at Rogers arena to see him. So, she took a permanent marker and wrote her name, the date of whatever shitshow was about to happen. And what I can only assume is her number a bunch of hearts and a picture of her 12 year old face for Justin Bieber to make Paper Mache out of. (if he can produce semen from his ovaries).
What ramjam didn't know is that, the wall she had wrote her forgettable, and regrettable message on was the Rick Rypien memorial wall. Filled will hockey fans messages of love and appreciation for what he did for hockey and depression depression sufferers.
Simbanam has since received death threats and removed her twitter and hopefully changed her name, because I am running out of phony names that sound similar.
What would possess a human being, at any facet to go to a Bieball's concert and to write about it anyways. Go there, realize wow that machine really helps his voice change and move on.
Stigman ram barked up the wrong tree. That is too personal for many Canadians. I sincerely hope one crazy person doesn't kill her or something. But, I do hope that taught her, and her beliebing friends a lesson in not being a fucking moron.
Thanks, rammamsinsamsnam, for defacing something that meant so much to me, and everyone else in Canada.
Some of the responsibility lies on Justin Bieber to issue an apology for the people who aren't his fans. The people who coexist with the puke, he should have to apologize on behalf of both of them.
I will enjoy every minute of the day that Bieber becomes non-relevant.
Article here http://www.torontosun.com/2012/10/11/justin-bieber-fans-deface-rick-rypien-memorial
Regards, Devon
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Advantages and drawbacks to the new arena
Anyway, what are some of the advantages and drawbacks to the oilers for
the new arena?
Benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. In Canada we experience such multiculturalism in our sports it has become a custom for many other families to bring in hockey to their childrens lives. Canada eats sleeps and breathes hockey. The current lockout will tell you that, every Canadian who watched hockey every saturday night now is off to find something else to do. They all say 'how am I going to survive without it.'
In Edmonton specifically, the new arena would bring about revitalization like you wouldn't believe. It would revitalize the city, the fans, the players, it would put edmonton as a destination for players who wish to be traded or free agents. At 16,839 for a seating capacity it is damn near impossible to get into a hockey game. Unless you are willing to pay through the teeth for a nosebleed ticket. 16,839 is in the bottom 5 for seating capacity around the league. In Canada that is a very large problem. For social programs or youth groups to get into a game, they have to wait weeks and usually end up seeing sub-par teams.What the new arena proposes is somewhere around 22,000 seats. Which would leave about 12,000 to the general public to be able to get down to the arena and enjoy a game. For an affordable price. It would gain much more of a fan base for the paycheque to paycheque families to be able to treat their young son to a hockey game.
New clubhouse would be a very nice draw for the team, reporters and cameramen would have the room to be able to interview players. It wouldn't look old and dingy. It would look modern and appealing. The biggest problem with Rexall place is the dinginess. It is old, falling apart, it is not aesthetically appealing in the slightest. New restaurants and new business opportunities from foreign investment would be huge. Would create more jobs, more tourism and economic growth.
In 2006, the Edmonton Oilers put together their best 'team' season since the 1984-1990. They worked as a team, they functioned as a team. Defensemen looked out for their goalies. What that season did for the city is beyond words. Every weekend 20 somethings talk about going drinking on Whyte Ave. Well, in 2006 Whyte Ave was the only place to drink, and during away games the only place that mattered. Whyte Ave experienced a surge in economic growth, fans were happy, bartenders were happy. The city had a special Aura around it. It gave a reason for the city to believe. Believe in something as ridiculous as sports, when important political issues were going on. Cars had flags, people wearing hats, couldn't move 2 feet without seeing an oiler jersey. Fast forward 6 years
Those days are long gone. People have lost faith, nobody is surprised when the oilers lose. Nobody is proud of the team, or the house that gretzky built anymore. Optimism about hockey is lacking a pulse.
The arena could bring about that same hope that cup run did. It will bring back optimism, it'll fill the seats, they will experience the best merchandise sales. It will revitalize the downtown core, and move the eye sores that are currently plopped down. Businesses will thrive around the area of workers, and fans about to head to the game. Commute would be ridiculously easy because there are 10 buses at any given time going downtown. The LRT can get you down there in little to no time at all. It would put Edmonton back on the map in infrastructure terms, too. Businessmen, scouts, international travelers would come about just to see this hi-tech arena. After all, nobody in Ottawa would say 'we need to go see the Sens play the Oilers at Rexall Place, I hear that you haven't seen a hockey game until you have been in that arena.'
Potential drawbacks would be - the people who refuse to take transit and need to drive. It could potentially clog up the downtown streets. The money that it is being used for, may be spent better somewhere else. The constant lying about price, and the repeated changes to the blueprint makes everyone a little skeptical.
This is Canada though, this is hockey. Edmonton needs a new arena, as every other Canadian team has upgraded and experienced a much better work environment, and much more revenue. The area that Rexall is in is one of the dirtiest places in the City. The arena could bring cleanliness to downtown and inject a new fuel for making our city more pleasant to visit.
Enough is enough, build the arena please. The Oilers could never leave Edmonton, that is just not feasible in my mind. The city will see some of the revenue of the new arena.
If the city can pay 500,000-800,000 for a pile of chrome balls to put on a side of a road, why can't we put money towards a new identity for the city.
Sincerely, A hockey fan.
Regards,
Devon
Benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. In Canada we experience such multiculturalism in our sports it has become a custom for many other families to bring in hockey to their childrens lives. Canada eats sleeps and breathes hockey. The current lockout will tell you that, every Canadian who watched hockey every saturday night now is off to find something else to do. They all say 'how am I going to survive without it.'
In Edmonton specifically, the new arena would bring about revitalization like you wouldn't believe. It would revitalize the city, the fans, the players, it would put edmonton as a destination for players who wish to be traded or free agents. At 16,839 for a seating capacity it is damn near impossible to get into a hockey game. Unless you are willing to pay through the teeth for a nosebleed ticket. 16,839 is in the bottom 5 for seating capacity around the league. In Canada that is a very large problem. For social programs or youth groups to get into a game, they have to wait weeks and usually end up seeing sub-par teams.What the new arena proposes is somewhere around 22,000 seats. Which would leave about 12,000 to the general public to be able to get down to the arena and enjoy a game. For an affordable price. It would gain much more of a fan base for the paycheque to paycheque families to be able to treat their young son to a hockey game.
New clubhouse would be a very nice draw for the team, reporters and cameramen would have the room to be able to interview players. It wouldn't look old and dingy. It would look modern and appealing. The biggest problem with Rexall place is the dinginess. It is old, falling apart, it is not aesthetically appealing in the slightest. New restaurants and new business opportunities from foreign investment would be huge. Would create more jobs, more tourism and economic growth.
In 2006, the Edmonton Oilers put together their best 'team' season since the 1984-1990. They worked as a team, they functioned as a team. Defensemen looked out for their goalies. What that season did for the city is beyond words. Every weekend 20 somethings talk about going drinking on Whyte Ave. Well, in 2006 Whyte Ave was the only place to drink, and during away games the only place that mattered. Whyte Ave experienced a surge in economic growth, fans were happy, bartenders were happy. The city had a special Aura around it. It gave a reason for the city to believe. Believe in something as ridiculous as sports, when important political issues were going on. Cars had flags, people wearing hats, couldn't move 2 feet without seeing an oiler jersey. Fast forward 6 years
Those days are long gone. People have lost faith, nobody is surprised when the oilers lose. Nobody is proud of the team, or the house that gretzky built anymore. Optimism about hockey is lacking a pulse.
The arena could bring about that same hope that cup run did. It will bring back optimism, it'll fill the seats, they will experience the best merchandise sales. It will revitalize the downtown core, and move the eye sores that are currently plopped down. Businesses will thrive around the area of workers, and fans about to head to the game. Commute would be ridiculously easy because there are 10 buses at any given time going downtown. The LRT can get you down there in little to no time at all. It would put Edmonton back on the map in infrastructure terms, too. Businessmen, scouts, international travelers would come about just to see this hi-tech arena. After all, nobody in Ottawa would say 'we need to go see the Sens play the Oilers at Rexall Place, I hear that you haven't seen a hockey game until you have been in that arena.'
Potential drawbacks would be - the people who refuse to take transit and need to drive. It could potentially clog up the downtown streets. The money that it is being used for, may be spent better somewhere else. The constant lying about price, and the repeated changes to the blueprint makes everyone a little skeptical.
This is Canada though, this is hockey. Edmonton needs a new arena, as every other Canadian team has upgraded and experienced a much better work environment, and much more revenue. The area that Rexall is in is one of the dirtiest places in the City. The arena could bring cleanliness to downtown and inject a new fuel for making our city more pleasant to visit.
Enough is enough, build the arena please. The Oilers could never leave Edmonton, that is just not feasible in my mind. The city will see some of the revenue of the new arena.
If the city can pay 500,000-800,000 for a pile of chrome balls to put on a side of a road, why can't we put money towards a new identity for the city.
Sincerely, A hockey fan.
Regards,
Devon
Friday, September 28, 2012
Statistics that should scare you.
Hopeless 51%
Overwhelmed 87%
Exhausted 82%
Lonely 61.7%
Very Sad 65.6%
Depressed 34.4%
Anxiety 52.1%
Anger 40.7%
Stress 57.1%
Consider Suicide 6.8 %
Attempt suicide 1.7%
As per 2011 poll by National College Health Assessment of 1600 students at random Sampling
In post secondary at any given day you can hear about one person having a breakdown in class, walk down a hallway see someone crying or walk through the library and watch someone scribble notes and rip them up. I am about 2 steps away from being the person to breakdown in class.
Post-secondary is never what I thought it would be. You go, get an education and learn what you need to to get that well paying job. Society has a funny way of dictating what you should do. How you should do it and why you should do it. In actuality, it is hearing stories of people who drink for 'fun', professors who don't really give a shit (as long as they earn their cheque) and severe anxiety and social problems that will feast on your mind whilst you are there. In my experience, of course.
By the looks of it that is a common theme, remember taken from 1600 students, U of A has about a 70x more than that. People are going to school now to show up more than anything. People who train their mind to remember everything out of sheer memorization like a Rat going through a maze. How much does a person actually take away from that? I have tried that, I have taken away a few interesting facts, but after the semester is done I pretty much forget anything that happened in that class. It is never how much you know, or how much you can apply to a real life situation. It is how well can you stare at notes or repeatedly write them before you are forced to learn it. Seems like a fun day to me. Which is what modern day post secondary is.
Least enjoyable 2 years of my life so far.
I did not enjoy my time at school, Elementary to high school. I thought post-secondary could revoke those feelings. I certainly feel no better about it. People tell me you gotta go to school and get your education to get your job, support your family, have good credit, and live a comfortable life. Credit: is money that you do not have. Your success in life is money you do not have.
I wanted post-secondary to be something else for me. It has caused a multitude of health problems, and those health problems are becoming the main focus. It has caused more anger to fill my soul than any one thing that has ever happened to me. It has caused my time on Earth to become less enjoyable. It turns your brain into a mouse on a wheel waiting for something to go wrong.
I have experienced all but attempted suicide from that list. In any given week in fact.
Someone seriously needs to look at these issues faced in students in post-secondary and try to work something out where that much emotion is not evoked. We will lose bright minds, and good people to the outside pressures.
Walk around a post-secondary institution, feel how uncomfortable it is, how uncomfortable the people look and how programmed it all becomes. It is heartbreaking.
I'm trying to enjoy myself, it is just not in the realm of possibilities at this moment.
Regards,
Devon
Overwhelmed 87%
Exhausted 82%
Lonely 61.7%
Very Sad 65.6%
Depressed 34.4%
Anxiety 52.1%
Anger 40.7%
Stress 57.1%
Consider Suicide 6.8 %
Attempt suicide 1.7%
As per 2011 poll by National College Health Assessment of 1600 students at random Sampling
In post secondary at any given day you can hear about one person having a breakdown in class, walk down a hallway see someone crying or walk through the library and watch someone scribble notes and rip them up. I am about 2 steps away from being the person to breakdown in class.
Post-secondary is never what I thought it would be. You go, get an education and learn what you need to to get that well paying job. Society has a funny way of dictating what you should do. How you should do it and why you should do it. In actuality, it is hearing stories of people who drink for 'fun', professors who don't really give a shit (as long as they earn their cheque) and severe anxiety and social problems that will feast on your mind whilst you are there. In my experience, of course.
By the looks of it that is a common theme, remember taken from 1600 students, U of A has about a 70x more than that. People are going to school now to show up more than anything. People who train their mind to remember everything out of sheer memorization like a Rat going through a maze. How much does a person actually take away from that? I have tried that, I have taken away a few interesting facts, but after the semester is done I pretty much forget anything that happened in that class. It is never how much you know, or how much you can apply to a real life situation. It is how well can you stare at notes or repeatedly write them before you are forced to learn it. Seems like a fun day to me. Which is what modern day post secondary is.
Least enjoyable 2 years of my life so far.
I did not enjoy my time at school, Elementary to high school. I thought post-secondary could revoke those feelings. I certainly feel no better about it. People tell me you gotta go to school and get your education to get your job, support your family, have good credit, and live a comfortable life. Credit: is money that you do not have. Your success in life is money you do not have.
I wanted post-secondary to be something else for me. It has caused a multitude of health problems, and those health problems are becoming the main focus. It has caused more anger to fill my soul than any one thing that has ever happened to me. It has caused my time on Earth to become less enjoyable. It turns your brain into a mouse on a wheel waiting for something to go wrong.
I have experienced all but attempted suicide from that list. In any given week in fact.
Someone seriously needs to look at these issues faced in students in post-secondary and try to work something out where that much emotion is not evoked. We will lose bright minds, and good people to the outside pressures.
Walk around a post-secondary institution, feel how uncomfortable it is, how uncomfortable the people look and how programmed it all becomes. It is heartbreaking.
I'm trying to enjoy myself, it is just not in the realm of possibilities at this moment.
Regards,
Devon
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Irony of the Marketplace
E. Coli outbreak in Canada, transferring into the United States, what does it mean to the average person. Not a whole lot, except for those 4 people who ate the meat that wasn't cooked properly.
I don't like eating out much, I also don't dine out much because of my fear of poorly cooked meat.
But the mass hysteria this is cause is just rikidus. E. Coli is found in almost all food, soft drinks your body digests. In fact E. Coli in moderate amounts can help strengthen immune system and digestive function. Of course that is after your insides want to be on your outsides.
You wail away at the heartstrings of others about how you shit for 3 days because you bought 'tainted meat'. The same person who complained about Pink Slime. A preservative responsible for the control of Ecoli and Salmonella bacteria. So they shut some places down, and turn a makeshift factory that pumps out maybe 100 cows every hour to 300 cows an hour. With lack of food and lack of disinfectant their hands were tied because of the media. Media dictates what happens to those farms. The families that help run it and how comfortably they live for that month.
I don't understand much about the whole hysteria. You want pink slime down, which is ammonia that neutralizes the bacteria so you can kill the bacteria along with the slime at a lower heat. As long as you learn how to cook a piece of meat. Meaning not on high you are not at risk.
So you are pregnant and don't want to chance it, I'm all for it. But, I guarantee you that mcdonalds and Dirty Greasy Chicken as if you are a saint for avoiding store bought product. Cause what's festering in that food is so much better.
Let these people do their job and you do yours. They don't go to your job and tell you to stop cleaning your desk/table.
Regards,
Devon
Tune in later when I attack Organic food and Taber Corn trucks.
Fucking Thing Sucks.
I don't like eating out much, I also don't dine out much because of my fear of poorly cooked meat.
But the mass hysteria this is cause is just rikidus. E. Coli is found in almost all food, soft drinks your body digests. In fact E. Coli in moderate amounts can help strengthen immune system and digestive function. Of course that is after your insides want to be on your outsides.
You wail away at the heartstrings of others about how you shit for 3 days because you bought 'tainted meat'. The same person who complained about Pink Slime. A preservative responsible for the control of Ecoli and Salmonella bacteria. So they shut some places down, and turn a makeshift factory that pumps out maybe 100 cows every hour to 300 cows an hour. With lack of food and lack of disinfectant their hands were tied because of the media. Media dictates what happens to those farms. The families that help run it and how comfortably they live for that month.
I don't understand much about the whole hysteria. You want pink slime down, which is ammonia that neutralizes the bacteria so you can kill the bacteria along with the slime at a lower heat. As long as you learn how to cook a piece of meat. Meaning not on high you are not at risk.
So you are pregnant and don't want to chance it, I'm all for it. But, I guarantee you that mcdonalds and Dirty Greasy Chicken as if you are a saint for avoiding store bought product. Cause what's festering in that food is so much better.
Let these people do their job and you do yours. They don't go to your job and tell you to stop cleaning your desk/table.
Regards,
Devon
Tune in later when I attack Organic food and Taber Corn trucks.
Fucking Thing Sucks.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
School and its affect on anxiety, anger and depression
Learning about your body, your systems, your bones, your cells is something incredible. Whether you learn about the squamous cell, the long bone, the humerus, the fibrocartilage, or the cell make up of a ground substance; it has the same affect, holy shit that is a lot of information
I took night classes this semester because I learn better at night.
It has taken its toll by now though, My body doesn't quite enjoy the school environment. My mind races, my heart pumps as fast as it can, I get shortness of breath.
A full on panic attack. Why? Because, if I don't get this amount of questions right. If I don't retain what a cuboidus cell is my mark is gonna hit the shitter. Because, someone dictates how I am going to be successful. Regardless if I could use it in practical environments better than I could on a piece of tree mulch.
But, that is school. What school did to me last year was nothing enjoyable. Made me susceptible to an ulcer, caused pain in my legs, caused migraines.
I could deal, this year I don't feel anxiety as bad, I am not as sad. All I feel is pure anger, at nothing or nobody in particular. I have never been so angry. I can't even explain why I am angry, or justify it. I just am
If you've ever read into the brain, it memorizes things easier based on emotion felt at the time as well as focus. Typically anger doesn't help you in the memorization department. So when I don't retain information I get angry. Which builds up.
I am writing this in hopes I can channel anger into positive. But, all this is doing is putting a new spin on it.
I guess I could say in a way, I miss my sadness and anxiety, cause it is all I have known for 5 months. I don't want to be angry anymore.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone"
Regards,
Devon
I took night classes this semester because I learn better at night.
It has taken its toll by now though, My body doesn't quite enjoy the school environment. My mind races, my heart pumps as fast as it can, I get shortness of breath.
A full on panic attack. Why? Because, if I don't get this amount of questions right. If I don't retain what a cuboidus cell is my mark is gonna hit the shitter. Because, someone dictates how I am going to be successful. Regardless if I could use it in practical environments better than I could on a piece of tree mulch.
But, that is school. What school did to me last year was nothing enjoyable. Made me susceptible to an ulcer, caused pain in my legs, caused migraines.
I could deal, this year I don't feel anxiety as bad, I am not as sad. All I feel is pure anger, at nothing or nobody in particular. I have never been so angry. I can't even explain why I am angry, or justify it. I just am
If you've ever read into the brain, it memorizes things easier based on emotion felt at the time as well as focus. Typically anger doesn't help you in the memorization department. So when I don't retain information I get angry. Which builds up.
I am writing this in hopes I can channel anger into positive. But, all this is doing is putting a new spin on it.
I guess I could say in a way, I miss my sadness and anxiety, cause it is all I have known for 5 months. I don't want to be angry anymore.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone"
Regards,
Devon
Monday, September 10, 2012
Today is Suicide prevention day, a new confession
September 10th, Suicide Prevention/Awareness Day
The day after my birthday is always a sad one. One where I can identify with those around me who have the look. The empty look, the blank eye gazing, the mouth slightly open. The look of despair. I can identify with these people because at a point in my life was the same. Unaware of my surroundings, unaware how others felt around me. No self-esteem no feeling of self-worth. No appreciation for life on this earth or the people around me. I didn't appreciate much of anything anyone said to me. Positive or negative. It is a funk, a nasty funk at that. You don't know what to do. Each hour of the day feels wretched and disgustingly long. All you want is to die.
Go to sleep, hope it is gone when you wake up. The feeling of needing to vomit because of your own problems your brain creates. The thoughts of suicide, how you could do it, when, who would miss you; It is something I experienced in high school. It is a very rough time. My body deteriorated because of the lack of dopamine running through my body. So you eat, masturbate or find someway to get some dopamine flowing. Apart from physically hurting yourself or a loving hug those are the 2 that people use the most to feel some semblance of happiness. Then you abuse it, gain weight, feel shame and hate the person you are becoming even more.
I wandered around my house looking for food, never ate anything. I was one of those people who didn't eat when he felt sad or depressed. The sickness that comes with depression is tormenting on the body. Wake up and a very unsatisfying runny dump, eat, maybe go to school if I didn't have a migraine or a stomach ache from the anxiety. If I didn't go to school maybe read a textbook for 20 minutes, wonder if it is even worth my trouble to read it. Then find something to watch or play. That was my life for high school. I hated every minute of it. Find some semblance of a normal life. It was more than teenage angst. It was full blown anxiety and depression. A severe lack of empathy or sympathy for anything. Got rejected, called them a slut skank bitch waste of time. Make them hate me because somewhere in me I craved the hatred of others. Go out with people hating you so you could slide out without anything missing you. I never shared my story of depression until now. The face to match the story of my life is now uncovered from the mask. I never spoke to my family, friends, or anyone in passing, confession or just conversation. It is not something you can tell someone unless they have been there.
"oh hey, yeah i've been feeling depressed lately" "okay, why?" And that is what no person can answer rationally. It is always "the world hates me, I am never getting respect, I never get someone who is genuinely interested in me. God gave up on me, and that's all he is gonna do for you." You need to have the opinion of someone else. It needs to be juxtaposed to yours, and they won't tell you what you want to hear. But, it is what they need to tell you to snap out of the funk. They need tell you to appreciate life, and forget all of the irrational stuff that rattles in their brain every morning and every night.
It has been about a year since I have even had the thought of suicide. This past year, my health has improved and deteriorated even worse. My legs have been improving every day. My ulcer is maintained but my pills cause me problems. But, I have felt happy. My mom is my rock, my girlfriend is the main thing that keeps me sane. Keeps me wanting to go on and be successful. My brother was someone who I identified with, knowing he vested interest in my schooling and well-being. He always looks out for me.
I have the odd-day where I get back in that funk, never think about suicide though. I get sad, depressed, and fear death because, I am not done here.
I know if I did it, people would miss me. Words said, or actions taken mean nothing at the end of the day. Move on, you don't know when that person or you might pass. Be human, forgive and forget, help those around you. It is as simple as buying the persons coffee that is ahead of you. Every time I would think about who would miss me, I just think about my mother. She wouldn't be able to handle it. I think about my girlfriend, she wouldn't be able to handle it. It would probably damage my brother's journey for a Ph.d. I would never get to show my nephew the newest games, play hockey with him, give him a hug every time I see him. My niece would never have a person to go with the few pictures that are out there of me.
In conclusion, I had learned the true meaning of life and success. It is not how much money or the job you hold. It is making an impact in the lives around you. Being the awesome husband, brother, father, or the crazy uncle. Making the day of a stranger with a nice gesture. Conversing with someone about their daily problems and providing your own experiences. Being happy and having peace in your body and mind. Not being selfish and relying on others to provide you with money, or other material things.
Just appreciate the days you are alive, appreciate the moments of laughter with your family and friends. Never lose sight of what makes you... you.
Don't put any weight into suicidal thoughts, it will eat you up alive. It will make your mind turn your body against you. It self-defeats every aspect of you. Suicide is selfish and a horrible end to life.
If you know anyone who has thought about it, feels depressed or looks depressed. Please talk to them. You could save a life and make life easier to live for them.
Today is suicide prevention day, the people I love have prevented me from committing suicide
Thanks for reading,
Best Regards,
Devon
The day after my birthday is always a sad one. One where I can identify with those around me who have the look. The empty look, the blank eye gazing, the mouth slightly open. The look of despair. I can identify with these people because at a point in my life was the same. Unaware of my surroundings, unaware how others felt around me. No self-esteem no feeling of self-worth. No appreciation for life on this earth or the people around me. I didn't appreciate much of anything anyone said to me. Positive or negative. It is a funk, a nasty funk at that. You don't know what to do. Each hour of the day feels wretched and disgustingly long. All you want is to die.
Go to sleep, hope it is gone when you wake up. The feeling of needing to vomit because of your own problems your brain creates. The thoughts of suicide, how you could do it, when, who would miss you; It is something I experienced in high school. It is a very rough time. My body deteriorated because of the lack of dopamine running through my body. So you eat, masturbate or find someway to get some dopamine flowing. Apart from physically hurting yourself or a loving hug those are the 2 that people use the most to feel some semblance of happiness. Then you abuse it, gain weight, feel shame and hate the person you are becoming even more.
I wandered around my house looking for food, never ate anything. I was one of those people who didn't eat when he felt sad or depressed. The sickness that comes with depression is tormenting on the body. Wake up and a very unsatisfying runny dump, eat, maybe go to school if I didn't have a migraine or a stomach ache from the anxiety. If I didn't go to school maybe read a textbook for 20 minutes, wonder if it is even worth my trouble to read it. Then find something to watch or play. That was my life for high school. I hated every minute of it. Find some semblance of a normal life. It was more than teenage angst. It was full blown anxiety and depression. A severe lack of empathy or sympathy for anything. Got rejected, called them a slut skank bitch waste of time. Make them hate me because somewhere in me I craved the hatred of others. Go out with people hating you so you could slide out without anything missing you. I never shared my story of depression until now. The face to match the story of my life is now uncovered from the mask. I never spoke to my family, friends, or anyone in passing, confession or just conversation. It is not something you can tell someone unless they have been there.
"oh hey, yeah i've been feeling depressed lately" "okay, why?" And that is what no person can answer rationally. It is always "the world hates me, I am never getting respect, I never get someone who is genuinely interested in me. God gave up on me, and that's all he is gonna do for you." You need to have the opinion of someone else. It needs to be juxtaposed to yours, and they won't tell you what you want to hear. But, it is what they need to tell you to snap out of the funk. They need tell you to appreciate life, and forget all of the irrational stuff that rattles in their brain every morning and every night.
It has been about a year since I have even had the thought of suicide. This past year, my health has improved and deteriorated even worse. My legs have been improving every day. My ulcer is maintained but my pills cause me problems. But, I have felt happy. My mom is my rock, my girlfriend is the main thing that keeps me sane. Keeps me wanting to go on and be successful. My brother was someone who I identified with, knowing he vested interest in my schooling and well-being. He always looks out for me.
I have the odd-day where I get back in that funk, never think about suicide though. I get sad, depressed, and fear death because, I am not done here.
I know if I did it, people would miss me. Words said, or actions taken mean nothing at the end of the day. Move on, you don't know when that person or you might pass. Be human, forgive and forget, help those around you. It is as simple as buying the persons coffee that is ahead of you. Every time I would think about who would miss me, I just think about my mother. She wouldn't be able to handle it. I think about my girlfriend, she wouldn't be able to handle it. It would probably damage my brother's journey for a Ph.d. I would never get to show my nephew the newest games, play hockey with him, give him a hug every time I see him. My niece would never have a person to go with the few pictures that are out there of me.
In conclusion, I had learned the true meaning of life and success. It is not how much money or the job you hold. It is making an impact in the lives around you. Being the awesome husband, brother, father, or the crazy uncle. Making the day of a stranger with a nice gesture. Conversing with someone about their daily problems and providing your own experiences. Being happy and having peace in your body and mind. Not being selfish and relying on others to provide you with money, or other material things.
Just appreciate the days you are alive, appreciate the moments of laughter with your family and friends. Never lose sight of what makes you... you.
Don't put any weight into suicidal thoughts, it will eat you up alive. It will make your mind turn your body against you. It self-defeats every aspect of you. Suicide is selfish and a horrible end to life.
If you know anyone who has thought about it, feels depressed or looks depressed. Please talk to them. You could save a life and make life easier to live for them.
Today is suicide prevention day, the people I love have prevented me from committing suicide
Thanks for reading,
Best Regards,
Devon
Sunday, September 9, 2012
20 years done, here's to 21. Thanks
Another sunset, another night of playing video games. Indecision of the plans tomorrow. Living 20 years. Heading into the 21st.
Sunday marks my 21st Birthday. I hope everyone has a wonderful today. I think of those who were lost before 21. Children today who will never see their 21st. I hope all is well for those around me on 'my' day, And that is enough.
This year I vow to help raise money for the Stollery, not sure how yet. Without them my life would be drastically different and probably worse. Thank you stollery, taxpayers, and the doctors to allow me to live a relatively healthy life.
Most importantly thank you to my family.
My godfather Morris who has tried his whole life to make sure I know he was there for me. A man who battled more than anyone probably should. Thank you uncle morris.
Thank you to my Auntie Freeda. Who I saw recently and hope one day will become close to my godmother.
Thank you Shannon, I don't see you much, but we can pick up a conversation and make disgusting jokes together like we have been best friends for our entire lives. A special connection that is shared with so few people.
Thank you Jaden, for playing shitty action figure toys when we were up at 6 am when we were 9. And knowing we are close now.
Thank you to my grandmother who humbles me, a person who has lived a very static life. I wouldn't be who I am without her. She inspires me to help those who need it most. Regardless of my situation.
My Grandpa Max - A simple man, a man with knowledge beyond anyones years. A man I wish I got to learn his stories from his past.
Auntie Diane who I haven't seen recently is always an inspiration. 20 years kicking cancers ass.
Thank you Amanda for giving me someone to snuggle every night. Share stories with and being all that I want.
Thank you Uncle Lonnie for teaching me the art of Pessimism and cynicism. Just kidding. My uncle has been willing to help me whichever way we can. Without question.
Thank you Dallas, without you school wouldn't be a reality.
Thank you Darcy, for being there through my entire life.
Thank you Dave for being my father, stepped in when other people couldn't care less.
Thank you Matt for being a 3rd brother.
Thank you to all of my friends.
Thank you Mom, who has given me all I could ask for. A rock for all I go through. Staying in the Recovery room with me for as long as I was there. Whatever gift I wanted, I got. Whatever moral support regardless of the situation. For being the mother that every kid hopes for. That is all I could ask.
Without those people in my life, it would make life sufferable.
On my 21st birthday, I don't wish for any present. Just for those to know their presence makes life worth it.
And to anyone I have wronged and you are still holding a grudge. Or anyone holding a grudge on anyone in their family. Don't bother. It isn't worth it. At the end of the day all you have is Family.
Thank you all and much love to everyone.
Regards, Devon
Sunday marks my 21st Birthday. I hope everyone has a wonderful today. I think of those who were lost before 21. Children today who will never see their 21st. I hope all is well for those around me on 'my' day, And that is enough.
This year I vow to help raise money for the Stollery, not sure how yet. Without them my life would be drastically different and probably worse. Thank you stollery, taxpayers, and the doctors to allow me to live a relatively healthy life.
Most importantly thank you to my family.
My godfather Morris who has tried his whole life to make sure I know he was there for me. A man who battled more than anyone probably should. Thank you uncle morris.
Thank you to my Auntie Freeda. Who I saw recently and hope one day will become close to my godmother.
Thank you Shannon, I don't see you much, but we can pick up a conversation and make disgusting jokes together like we have been best friends for our entire lives. A special connection that is shared with so few people.
Thank you Jaden, for playing shitty action figure toys when we were up at 6 am when we were 9. And knowing we are close now.
Thank you to my grandmother who humbles me, a person who has lived a very static life. I wouldn't be who I am without her. She inspires me to help those who need it most. Regardless of my situation.
My Grandpa Max - A simple man, a man with knowledge beyond anyones years. A man I wish I got to learn his stories from his past.
Auntie Diane who I haven't seen recently is always an inspiration. 20 years kicking cancers ass.
Thank you Amanda for giving me someone to snuggle every night. Share stories with and being all that I want.
Thank you Uncle Lonnie for teaching me the art of Pessimism and cynicism. Just kidding. My uncle has been willing to help me whichever way we can. Without question.
Thank you Dallas, without you school wouldn't be a reality.
Thank you Darcy, for being there through my entire life.
Thank you Dave for being my father, stepped in when other people couldn't care less.
Thank you Matt for being a 3rd brother.
Thank you to all of my friends.
Thank you Mom, who has given me all I could ask for. A rock for all I go through. Staying in the Recovery room with me for as long as I was there. Whatever gift I wanted, I got. Whatever moral support regardless of the situation. For being the mother that every kid hopes for. That is all I could ask.
Without those people in my life, it would make life sufferable.
On my 21st birthday, I don't wish for any present. Just for those to know their presence makes life worth it.
And to anyone I have wronged and you are still holding a grudge. Or anyone holding a grudge on anyone in their family. Don't bother. It isn't worth it. At the end of the day all you have is Family.
Thank you all and much love to everyone.
Regards, Devon
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Side effects are always worse than the condition
Staying up late, I thought 'hey, i know how I can get no sleep'. So I looked up my side effects to my peptic ulcer medication. Sure-fire way to no sleep-land.
What I have found out. It is not used to treat peptic ulcers. So, that is a brilliant start.
The side effects are everything I am trying to cure in association with gastrointestinal problems:
Stomach pain, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, constipation, gas. Some other gems that I have noticed include increased heart rate. Because who the fuck wouldn't want their heart racing in the Kentucky Derby.
I cannot possibly get mad at this either. I understand how the pharmaceutical world works. They throw the regular side effects in there; dry mouth, dizziness, lack of sleep, and/or drowsiness. As a general rule, they have to in case shit hits the fan harder. Or in my case doesn't fucking hit the fan at all.
Pharmaceuticals is a trillion dollar industry creates about 20 different drugs to treat one thing... Without actually fucking treating the damn thing. Just coasting you from year to year. Sucking every penny you have until you are flat fucking broke. If I didn't have insurance the medication would cost 5 times the amount it does. Which works out to about a weeks worth of food for a single person
Codeine, anti - histamines, benzos, acetaminophen, Ibuprofen. All given for assorted things, they share one common thing. Extended use can cause metric tonne worth of problems. What does it all serve to the general public. 'treating achy joints, migraines, cluster headaches, hives, rash, anxiety, pressure in joints, arthritis. Yet when you go into a drug store you have to contact a pharmacist to even ask what is better between aspirin and tylenol. Shockingly they ask what is wrong, and tell you hey motherfucker this shit is the cure all end all. If not consult your physician to prescribe you the same thing just with your name on a plain white sticker. You are gonna like whatever fucking pill with a random character on it they give you. They will tell you hey don't mix it with similar medications. Stay away from the skull and crossbones.
Your body doesn't quite know that difference. It all clears through the liver and into the kidneys and is pissed out. But, pop a couple tylenol and some advil (for the same pain) and it will be just fine, because that's the bottom line because stone cold said so.
Since I got out of my last surgery and they put a beta blocker in my legs. It has caused leg twitches and neck jerks. Which I've never consulted people about, probably should have. They gave me painkillers, along with morphine drip that is routinely given for pain. Morphine with painkillers is ridiculous, it has caused a lot of issues in my everyday life. I have adopted extreme pee shyness. Although it did allow me to mack on the nurses in an extreme morphine stupor. (All you nurses in the house jump up, jump up and get down.)
I've had leg pain ever since. Worse, and more constant, and no one will work on a patient who has had another surgeon do work on him/or her for liability. I wake up and wonder which part of my leg will hurt. Until one day something is torn, or broken. It is a veritable cornucopia of pain that is similar to that of simon says. But, they will prescribe me nsaids and tell me to take advil. Advil is conveniently an nsaid. So basically I was taking both, at the same time, sometimes without food. Which is a no-no. Always eat with advil dosage.
It conquered my rather empty 'I could give a shit' shell with the mentality that something else will cure whatever comes of it. I would not wish 24/7 nausea on my worst enemy. Yeah things could be worse, a bear could be mauling the outside of my stomach as my body gets it from the inside. Considering all of this, it has shaped me into a better person. A more empathetic and sympathetic person for all those experiencing pain. I am more aware of people's issues and compensating habits. It is a blessing in disguise, which will (from my viewpoint) will never be cured, just 'micromanaged' with long strings of words that I associate with one part of the body.
Next time you are watching a commercial for a prescription medication. Listen to the inflection of the voice over. Read any small print. The side effects read as a Shakespearean play.
In all honesty, my biggest fear is that the pills I am taking are constantly making my body worse and will eventually kill me before i reach 22.
I sincerely hope not.
Thanks for reading my rant.
Good night my friends.
Regards,
Devon
What I have found out. It is not used to treat peptic ulcers. So, that is a brilliant start.
The side effects are everything I am trying to cure in association with gastrointestinal problems:
Stomach pain, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, constipation, gas. Some other gems that I have noticed include increased heart rate. Because who the fuck wouldn't want their heart racing in the Kentucky Derby.
I cannot possibly get mad at this either. I understand how the pharmaceutical world works. They throw the regular side effects in there; dry mouth, dizziness, lack of sleep, and/or drowsiness. As a general rule, they have to in case shit hits the fan harder. Or in my case doesn't fucking hit the fan at all.
Pharmaceuticals is a trillion dollar industry creates about 20 different drugs to treat one thing... Without actually fucking treating the damn thing. Just coasting you from year to year. Sucking every penny you have until you are flat fucking broke. If I didn't have insurance the medication would cost 5 times the amount it does. Which works out to about a weeks worth of food for a single person
Codeine, anti - histamines, benzos, acetaminophen, Ibuprofen. All given for assorted things, they share one common thing. Extended use can cause metric tonne worth of problems. What does it all serve to the general public. 'treating achy joints, migraines, cluster headaches, hives, rash, anxiety, pressure in joints, arthritis. Yet when you go into a drug store you have to contact a pharmacist to even ask what is better between aspirin and tylenol. Shockingly they ask what is wrong, and tell you hey motherfucker this shit is the cure all end all. If not consult your physician to prescribe you the same thing just with your name on a plain white sticker. You are gonna like whatever fucking pill with a random character on it they give you. They will tell you hey don't mix it with similar medications. Stay away from the skull and crossbones.
Your body doesn't quite know that difference. It all clears through the liver and into the kidneys and is pissed out. But, pop a couple tylenol and some advil (for the same pain) and it will be just fine, because that's the bottom line because stone cold said so.
Since I got out of my last surgery and they put a beta blocker in my legs. It has caused leg twitches and neck jerks. Which I've never consulted people about, probably should have. They gave me painkillers, along with morphine drip that is routinely given for pain. Morphine with painkillers is ridiculous, it has caused a lot of issues in my everyday life. I have adopted extreme pee shyness. Although it did allow me to mack on the nurses in an extreme morphine stupor. (All you nurses in the house jump up, jump up and get down.)
I've had leg pain ever since. Worse, and more constant, and no one will work on a patient who has had another surgeon do work on him/or her for liability. I wake up and wonder which part of my leg will hurt. Until one day something is torn, or broken. It is a veritable cornucopia of pain that is similar to that of simon says. But, they will prescribe me nsaids and tell me to take advil. Advil is conveniently an nsaid. So basically I was taking both, at the same time, sometimes without food. Which is a no-no. Always eat with advil dosage.
It conquered my rather empty 'I could give a shit' shell with the mentality that something else will cure whatever comes of it. I would not wish 24/7 nausea on my worst enemy. Yeah things could be worse, a bear could be mauling the outside of my stomach as my body gets it from the inside. Considering all of this, it has shaped me into a better person. A more empathetic and sympathetic person for all those experiencing pain. I am more aware of people's issues and compensating habits. It is a blessing in disguise, which will (from my viewpoint) will never be cured, just 'micromanaged' with long strings of words that I associate with one part of the body.
Next time you are watching a commercial for a prescription medication. Listen to the inflection of the voice over. Read any small print. The side effects read as a Shakespearean play.
In all honesty, my biggest fear is that the pills I am taking are constantly making my body worse and will eventually kill me before i reach 22.
I sincerely hope not.
Thanks for reading my rant.
Good night my friends.
Regards,
Devon
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Rick Rypien and his affect on my life.
A year ago today, a hockey player, an average joe, a person who battled through took his own life because of depression.
A hockey player who made it, about to start for a New/old franchise with familiar faces and must promise of enjoying a comfortable spot in the line-up. He had worked for it, but wasn't a happy person throughout his career. He ended it one night by hanging himself in his house in a rural town.
I learned that day to never live in silence with depression and always tell someone you love if you feel down one day or the other. He committed suicide and opened up debates about how different people can and should deal with depression.
Rick Rypien battled through family troubles, alcoholism and depression through his entire career. A very quiet and reserved individual. Minded his P's and Q's and did what he had to do to make a living. He had to fight to make it in the nhl and to stay in the nhl. Maybe he felt that isn't what he wanted to do, maybe it took its toll.
Whatever the case he had showed me a light, showed me a way to relieve some of the anxiety and forget being depressed. He bottled it up, it ate him up and he had nowhere to turn. He isolated himself because he didn't know how to deal with it. I don't want to bottle up my negative feelings anymore
I started writing blogs, threads, and posts on some websites. Found it to be a wonderful release. It helped me get through much of my troubles. I owe a lot to a man I have never met. He inspired me to be successful in my own way, not how society would dictate you to be successful.
You never know when it is your last day.
RIP Rick Rypien.
Regards,
Devon
A hockey player who made it, about to start for a New/old franchise with familiar faces and must promise of enjoying a comfortable spot in the line-up. He had worked for it, but wasn't a happy person throughout his career. He ended it one night by hanging himself in his house in a rural town.
I learned that day to never live in silence with depression and always tell someone you love if you feel down one day or the other. He committed suicide and opened up debates about how different people can and should deal with depression.
Rick Rypien battled through family troubles, alcoholism and depression through his entire career. A very quiet and reserved individual. Minded his P's and Q's and did what he had to do to make a living. He had to fight to make it in the nhl and to stay in the nhl. Maybe he felt that isn't what he wanted to do, maybe it took its toll.
Whatever the case he had showed me a light, showed me a way to relieve some of the anxiety and forget being depressed. He bottled it up, it ate him up and he had nowhere to turn. He isolated himself because he didn't know how to deal with it. I don't want to bottle up my negative feelings anymore
I started writing blogs, threads, and posts on some websites. Found it to be a wonderful release. It helped me get through much of my troubles. I owe a lot to a man I have never met. He inspired me to be successful in my own way, not how society would dictate you to be successful.
You never know when it is your last day.
RIP Rick Rypien.
Regards,
Devon
Friday, July 27, 2012
Weirdest Feeling I've had
For once in a long while I am in the middle ground of content and discontent.
It is a weird feeling, I don't feel much anxiety these days. Then some nights it flairs up like it used to. Haven't been depressed for awhile either. Life has balanced. I should be a hell of a lot more excited than I am now. Getting going with school, have a well-paying job. Albeit a very frustrating job, then again what job isn't. School is right around the corner, I am going to see Vancouver for the first time and help my brother move.
But, I feel meh right now. I don't have much interest in anything. sleep is lacklustre and very non-fulfilling.
July cannot be over fast enough, my whole life I have come to realize July is my least favorite month. Comes with many reasons; most notably the heat.
Still feel like I can fail. Still feel like I can achieve what I want. Still feel very on edge about the whole concept of me entering a workplace that has so many flaws.
Thanks for reading this blog as well as the rest my friends and family.
Much love.
Best regards,
Devon
It is a weird feeling, I don't feel much anxiety these days. Then some nights it flairs up like it used to. Haven't been depressed for awhile either. Life has balanced. I should be a hell of a lot more excited than I am now. Getting going with school, have a well-paying job. Albeit a very frustrating job, then again what job isn't. School is right around the corner, I am going to see Vancouver for the first time and help my brother move.
But, I feel meh right now. I don't have much interest in anything. sleep is lacklustre and very non-fulfilling.
July cannot be over fast enough, my whole life I have come to realize July is my least favorite month. Comes with many reasons; most notably the heat.
Still feel like I can fail. Still feel like I can achieve what I want. Still feel very on edge about the whole concept of me entering a workplace that has so many flaws.
Thanks for reading this blog as well as the rest my friends and family.
Much love.
Best regards,
Devon
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Ravid Dobb.
He's a bald man, goatee, for the longest time was referred to as Stone Cold Steve Austin from my friends.
States the obvious, always has something to say. Sometimes stubborn, loving and loves nickelback apparently.
This is my stepfather. I use Ravid Dobb as his alias. He's funny for all the different reasons other than telling jokes. All the weird phrases and mannerisms. Including seeing him running
He has stepped in without hesitation and with the mind frame that I and my brothers were his kids. I don't think I give him enough credit.
Last month he bought steaks for Fathers day to barbq. Ended up being the toughest steaks alive. I gave him credit for cooking the steaks and taking control of supper.
He goes to the store whenever asked. He will help you with the best intentions regardless if it fails horribly.
For all intensive purposes he is my father.
I identify him as such when I talk to people about him.
Now for some stories.
Dallas used to play baseball in his youth. Me, Ravid, My mom were at his game. Thunderstorm came in heavy and stopped the game. This is when we had to run across the field to get to the car. This is the fastest I've seen Ravid run. He was like a gazelle on 3 cups of coffee. I was 6 with short stature I could not run as fast. But since I was first one up and running I was ahead of him. I distinctly remember thinking that he would run behind me and help me up if i tripped or help speed me along. He had other ideas. I did end up biffing it. Instead of helping me up off the ground he took 3 little steps and hurdled me as if I was a large puddle beside a curb. When I say hurdled he cleared me by at least 4 inches. Almost like he was running the 110m hurdles.
He stepped on a toothpick and hopped around for a solid 15 seconds and fell down like he just got shot.
He was swimming with me, my brother and cousin and wanted to show off his awesome cannonball skills. Ended up slipping on his way off the diving board and did the best belly flop I have ever seen.
So many more I cannot remember right now..
A twitter account has been made of all the little things he says.
Find it at @dobbisms . Sample: "Drier than a popcorn fart in a snowstorm"
Regards, Devon
States the obvious, always has something to say. Sometimes stubborn, loving and loves nickelback apparently.
This is my stepfather. I use Ravid Dobb as his alias. He's funny for all the different reasons other than telling jokes. All the weird phrases and mannerisms. Including seeing him running
He has stepped in without hesitation and with the mind frame that I and my brothers were his kids. I don't think I give him enough credit.
Last month he bought steaks for Fathers day to barbq. Ended up being the toughest steaks alive. I gave him credit for cooking the steaks and taking control of supper.
He goes to the store whenever asked. He will help you with the best intentions regardless if it fails horribly.
For all intensive purposes he is my father.
I identify him as such when I talk to people about him.
Now for some stories.
Dallas used to play baseball in his youth. Me, Ravid, My mom were at his game. Thunderstorm came in heavy and stopped the game. This is when we had to run across the field to get to the car. This is the fastest I've seen Ravid run. He was like a gazelle on 3 cups of coffee. I was 6 with short stature I could not run as fast. But since I was first one up and running I was ahead of him. I distinctly remember thinking that he would run behind me and help me up if i tripped or help speed me along. He had other ideas. I did end up biffing it. Instead of helping me up off the ground he took 3 little steps and hurdled me as if I was a large puddle beside a curb. When I say hurdled he cleared me by at least 4 inches. Almost like he was running the 110m hurdles.
He stepped on a toothpick and hopped around for a solid 15 seconds and fell down like he just got shot.
He was swimming with me, my brother and cousin and wanted to show off his awesome cannonball skills. Ended up slipping on his way off the diving board and did the best belly flop I have ever seen.
So many more I cannot remember right now..
A twitter account has been made of all the little things he says.
Find it at @dobbisms . Sample: "Drier than a popcorn fart in a snowstorm"
Regards, Devon
Aaron Collins' story
Aaron is someone I do not know personally, but is an inspiration to me.
He had passed away a short time ago and left a will for his family. (he lived somewhere in Kentucky)
He had a bachelors degree and worked as a computer technician. He lived life a carefree as he good. Money was never the biggest deal to him. He had much sympathy to the people who make the country run (service industry). He always tipped well, helped whomever he could. He wanted to make a difference in those lives no matter how shitty the service was.
In his will he left a very short list of things. Any money in his account is owed back to his parents for any debt. Secondly, he had 500 dollars sitting for just one reason. He wanted to have his family go to a pizzeria to have supper. Pay the bill but leave the 500 dollars as a tip. In a band with his name, Website and saying thanks.
This man who gave so much in his life, and died early. Never held any ill-feelings and was well mannered. Never beat himself up over it or blamed anyone. Took it in stride and let it be.
Never looked at money like the only thing. That is something so hard to do in any situation. They also have a paypal up so more people can donate to this cause. When it reaches 500 dollars they will go leave it as a gratuity for someone else.
the website is www.aaroncollins.org , it also contains the first youtube video of the tip they had left. Great story, puts it all in perspective.
Regards,
Devon
He had passed away a short time ago and left a will for his family. (he lived somewhere in Kentucky)
He had a bachelors degree and worked as a computer technician. He lived life a carefree as he good. Money was never the biggest deal to him. He had much sympathy to the people who make the country run (service industry). He always tipped well, helped whomever he could. He wanted to make a difference in those lives no matter how shitty the service was.
In his will he left a very short list of things. Any money in his account is owed back to his parents for any debt. Secondly, he had 500 dollars sitting for just one reason. He wanted to have his family go to a pizzeria to have supper. Pay the bill but leave the 500 dollars as a tip. In a band with his name, Website and saying thanks.
This man who gave so much in his life, and died early. Never held any ill-feelings and was well mannered. Never beat himself up over it or blamed anyone. Took it in stride and let it be.
Never looked at money like the only thing. That is something so hard to do in any situation. They also have a paypal up so more people can donate to this cause. When it reaches 500 dollars they will go leave it as a gratuity for someone else.
the website is www.aaroncollins.org , it also contains the first youtube video of the tip they had left. Great story, puts it all in perspective.
Regards,
Devon
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Student sued by Institution for studying too fast
http://www.thelocal.de/education/20120703-43517.html
I hope that link works, if not I hope you take the 2 seconds to read the story.
With how high tuition is getting, and is only getting hiked up I found this story particularly annoying.
He finished 11 semesters worth of work in 3 semesters. Which is absolutely insane.
Based on challenging courses and sitting in exams at the end of semesters without attending the class. He finished it all, with what people are speculating is a 4.0 gpa equivalent. One side the university is arguing that, he talked to people set up exams and interviews without contacting the heads of the departments. He finished those exams based on those practices. The university loses about 8 semesters worth of room and board, medical benefit charges, and the random surcharges. They are suing him for 3,500 euros or whatever they use.
Man, If I had the balls to do this I would feel like a badass. The university makes a very interesting point. But with all the bashing they get from students inside of the inner circles it is hard to feel sympathy. This year in Alberta tuition saw another hike.
I feel he should get away unscathed, free with his degree to earn a job. If anything the university should contact him to be a speaker to kids about working hard. Get people to want people to enjoy their study and experience the success. He would be a fantastic role model to people.
Keep living the dream Marcel Pohl. You stuck it to the university for the students across the world.
I plan to elaborate on this more, too tired now.
Good night, Regards,
Devon
I hope that link works, if not I hope you take the 2 seconds to read the story.
With how high tuition is getting, and is only getting hiked up I found this story particularly annoying.
He finished 11 semesters worth of work in 3 semesters. Which is absolutely insane.
Based on challenging courses and sitting in exams at the end of semesters without attending the class. He finished it all, with what people are speculating is a 4.0 gpa equivalent. One side the university is arguing that, he talked to people set up exams and interviews without contacting the heads of the departments. He finished those exams based on those practices. The university loses about 8 semesters worth of room and board, medical benefit charges, and the random surcharges. They are suing him for 3,500 euros or whatever they use.
Man, If I had the balls to do this I would feel like a badass. The university makes a very interesting point. But with all the bashing they get from students inside of the inner circles it is hard to feel sympathy. This year in Alberta tuition saw another hike.
I feel he should get away unscathed, free with his degree to earn a job. If anything the university should contact him to be a speaker to kids about working hard. Get people to want people to enjoy their study and experience the success. He would be a fantastic role model to people.
Keep living the dream Marcel Pohl. You stuck it to the university for the students across the world.
I plan to elaborate on this more, too tired now.
Good night, Regards,
Devon
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Happy Kanata Day... I guess
Ah, as I've tried unsuccessfully to write two other blog posts, I hear fireworks go off in the background.
In the city of edmonton, with cats and humans and buildings and shit. Especially that last one.
I'm proud to be Canadian don't get me wrong. But this is more of a "...caucasian holiday."
Canada is a beautiful country, 4th in most peaceful voting. The people you meet are of all different backgrounds and stories. I am content in Canada.
Canada Day "celebrates" more of a darker part of my history. The formation of a already formed land. With humans.... and Bears.... and structures and shit. Humans who were codependent on the basic level of helping each other out. Of family and closeness to the outdoors. People who lived as freely as the next man, with fresh food and a beautiful landscape to admire. Plains, mountains, animals and just the all around scenery was something treasured. Life sure did smack those people.
Those people, are my ancestors. Regardless of how white I look which would almost register on a Johnny Depp in Edward scissorhands white. Regardless of people in my own family calling me white, I identify as Aboriginal. When you ask what I am, I respond Cree, First Nations or Aboriginals.
Insincere Apologies made, as well as reserves and residential schools is what 'those' people got. Decades ago. Different people, different time. Sure there is still assholes who discriminate the fuck out of you. But who are they, nothing but a blip on the radar. I don't despise the other people around me, I have accepted I could easily integrate with that society and live in the majority... But, I don't want to and nor would my Grandfather or Great Grandfather want me to.
I take the blessings that I have now as a First Nations status 'Indian', regardless of how few rights aboriginals have. I have some coverage for medicine and school. When I know they could easily loophole around it and give us jackshit
I don't look for sympathy from any other race. Just coexistence and responsibility for your actions. I don't look for sympathy from the white men who took the land my people once inherited. I look for a simple apology and recognition of my race being equal to theirs. A simple apology that will never come.
Tomorrow is nothing more than Free Agent Frenzy day for me.
Happy Kanata/Canada Day to all.
Best Regards,
Devon
In the city of edmonton, with cats and humans and buildings and shit. Especially that last one.
I'm proud to be Canadian don't get me wrong. But this is more of a "...caucasian holiday."
Canada is a beautiful country, 4th in most peaceful voting. The people you meet are of all different backgrounds and stories. I am content in Canada.
Canada Day "celebrates" more of a darker part of my history. The formation of a already formed land. With humans.... and Bears.... and structures and shit. Humans who were codependent on the basic level of helping each other out. Of family and closeness to the outdoors. People who lived as freely as the next man, with fresh food and a beautiful landscape to admire. Plains, mountains, animals and just the all around scenery was something treasured. Life sure did smack those people.
Those people, are my ancestors. Regardless of how white I look which would almost register on a Johnny Depp in Edward scissorhands white. Regardless of people in my own family calling me white, I identify as Aboriginal. When you ask what I am, I respond Cree, First Nations or Aboriginals.
Insincere Apologies made, as well as reserves and residential schools is what 'those' people got. Decades ago. Different people, different time. Sure there is still assholes who discriminate the fuck out of you. But who are they, nothing but a blip on the radar. I don't despise the other people around me, I have accepted I could easily integrate with that society and live in the majority... But, I don't want to and nor would my Grandfather or Great Grandfather want me to.
I take the blessings that I have now as a First Nations status 'Indian', regardless of how few rights aboriginals have. I have some coverage for medicine and school. When I know they could easily loophole around it and give us jackshit
I don't look for sympathy from any other race. Just coexistence and responsibility for your actions. I don't look for sympathy from the white men who took the land my people once inherited. I look for a simple apology and recognition of my race being equal to theirs. A simple apology that will never come.
Tomorrow is nothing more than Free Agent Frenzy day for me.
Happy Kanata/Canada Day to all.
Best Regards,
Devon
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Potpourri of feelings and metaphors.
Previously on Anger Boner posts, Devon got his patented anger boner over someone trying to diminish his ambition. With foresight and a different perspective Devon upheld his anger boner for longer than 4 hours and didn't consult a doctor. Huzzah.
Now, today I write this as a person who is probably going to commit way more grammar mistakes than he normally does. Cause it is a blog, so fuck grammar. This helps relieve tension. People have came forward and asked me how it helps me cope with my own psychological experiences. Putting my feelings and struggles into words is something I didn't think would help. Everyone should write a blog, or put their emotions into something that the world can see. I read more blogs now than I ever did. It helps me stay edgy and calm (2 different ends of the spectrum) but that's the point. I am at a balanced point. I see all walks of life. People open up to me, i speak with no shame or no censorship. If what you are complaining about is stupid. Well, transformers 2 is a good movie is the worst thing I've heard someone say. I said "hold on, Imma let you finish... But Michael Bay is a money-grabbing piece of shit." It is all trivial in the end, whether you complain about wasting time, work, play, kids. It is all relative to your self-image. Those things become a part of you. You are on this Earth to get paid, reproduce, and try to make living easier. Most importantly make the lives of the people around you more pleasant.
My main reason for this certain post is to let you know more about my frustration, anger, and spiteful side. I'm 97/3 pessimism/optimism. I've adopted this from the people in my family, and just going through the motions of life. Optimism is a important thing, but at the same time it can absolutely cripple your brain if something goes awry. People have quit school, cried, or just called themselves stupid because the 80 percent they got wasn't the 90 they thought they should've gotten. I go into every exam/situation in life thinking if I can come out of this better than I went into it well, I am doing alright.
Failure is a learning tool, everyone has to fail at something. It is how you take that failure and adapt to your situation. Those people who "failed" their exam need to take it as a blessing.
Don't ever let anyone tell you because you didn't do well at one thing you are gonna shit the bed elsewhere. That's simply making a conclusion that has no relativity to your life.
When someone tells me I'm not going to do something, or do good at it. I have so much spite towards them that I work at it just to prove them wrong. Spite is a very motivating tool that not many people use it positively. I'd never physically hurt the person who said I am never gonna do something. I'd fucking do it to perfection and jump around them while eye of the tiger played in the background.
Fuck the haters. If you give them an inch into your thoughts they will pick it out and run with it. The very beginning of my 'stigma' started because those people who called me ugly or rejected me without ever knowing who I was caused me to dwell on my own character and appearance.
Caused much more cortisol to flow through, caused anxiety, caused laziness, and if I didn't break out of the funk probably would've caused obesity or death.
Metaphor time:
Ducks produce an oil in their tail glands. Sort of the equivalent to sweat. This oil coats the duck's feathers and allows them to float above the water but never soak up the water.. The water beads up and rolls off.
Be like the feathers of a duck, don't let people's judgments and insults soak into your brain. It affects you and your personality. You wear it on your face, on your posture, and the way you carry yourself.
Quack quack quack quack Mister Ducksworth.
Regards,
Devon
Thanks to all who have kept reading. Expect a couple of comedic posts soon.
Now, today I write this as a person who is probably going to commit way more grammar mistakes than he normally does. Cause it is a blog, so fuck grammar. This helps relieve tension. People have came forward and asked me how it helps me cope with my own psychological experiences. Putting my feelings and struggles into words is something I didn't think would help. Everyone should write a blog, or put their emotions into something that the world can see. I read more blogs now than I ever did. It helps me stay edgy and calm (2 different ends of the spectrum) but that's the point. I am at a balanced point. I see all walks of life. People open up to me, i speak with no shame or no censorship. If what you are complaining about is stupid. Well, transformers 2 is a good movie is the worst thing I've heard someone say. I said "hold on, Imma let you finish... But Michael Bay is a money-grabbing piece of shit." It is all trivial in the end, whether you complain about wasting time, work, play, kids. It is all relative to your self-image. Those things become a part of you. You are on this Earth to get paid, reproduce, and try to make living easier. Most importantly make the lives of the people around you more pleasant.
My main reason for this certain post is to let you know more about my frustration, anger, and spiteful side. I'm 97/3 pessimism/optimism. I've adopted this from the people in my family, and just going through the motions of life. Optimism is a important thing, but at the same time it can absolutely cripple your brain if something goes awry. People have quit school, cried, or just called themselves stupid because the 80 percent they got wasn't the 90 they thought they should've gotten. I go into every exam/situation in life thinking if I can come out of this better than I went into it well, I am doing alright.
Failure is a learning tool, everyone has to fail at something. It is how you take that failure and adapt to your situation. Those people who "failed" their exam need to take it as a blessing.
Don't ever let anyone tell you because you didn't do well at one thing you are gonna shit the bed elsewhere. That's simply making a conclusion that has no relativity to your life.
When someone tells me I'm not going to do something, or do good at it. I have so much spite towards them that I work at it just to prove them wrong. Spite is a very motivating tool that not many people use it positively. I'd never physically hurt the person who said I am never gonna do something. I'd fucking do it to perfection and jump around them while eye of the tiger played in the background.
Fuck the haters. If you give them an inch into your thoughts they will pick it out and run with it. The very beginning of my 'stigma' started because those people who called me ugly or rejected me without ever knowing who I was caused me to dwell on my own character and appearance.
Caused much more cortisol to flow through, caused anxiety, caused laziness, and if I didn't break out of the funk probably would've caused obesity or death.
Metaphor time:
Ducks produce an oil in their tail glands. Sort of the equivalent to sweat. This oil coats the duck's feathers and allows them to float above the water but never soak up the water.. The water beads up and rolls off.
Be like the feathers of a duck, don't let people's judgments and insults soak into your brain. It affects you and your personality. You wear it on your face, on your posture, and the way you carry yourself.
Quack quack quack quack Mister Ducksworth.
Regards,
Devon
Thanks to all who have kept reading. Expect a couple of comedic posts soon.
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